How to Handle a House Fire¶
A personal account of a midnight house fire, and reflections on how to manage such a situation to minimize mental pain.
Context 🔥¶
ST Newspaper, March 22
Around midnight on the night of Monday, March 22, I was deep in dreamland. Gradually, I noticed that my dream was increasingly about campfires and grilling. Eventually, I woke up a bit and noticed that the smell of smoke was still there.
Had some neighbors lit a fire pit or something? The smell didn't go away, so finally, I left dreamland completely, aiming to investigate where the smell was coming from. I quickly realized that there was danger at hand. There was smoke in the room where I was lying, which is between the room where my wife and our youngest daughter and our 1.5-year-old son were sleeping. I was in the guest room sometimes to avoid being woken up by a hungry baby and breastfeeding. I really didn't have much to contribute on that front.
I opened the window to see if I could see anything outside.
Suddenly, smoke poured in through the window. Shit! I need to get out. I ran to wake my wife and told her there was a fire. Within 2 seconds, she was up with our youngest in her arms. I ran to get the 1.5-year-old, who was at the back of the house, and dragged him along with me. He was sleeping like a rock, totally unaware of what was happening, and understandably shocked to be picked up in that way. On our way out of the house (to the exit), we ran past our 5-year-old, who was quick on his feet, as always. Meanwhile, the smoke alarms were going off. Three smoke alarms started producing an intense, rhythmic alarm simultaneously, but asynchronously.
We ran together towards the exit through our workout room on the opposite side of the house from the bedrooms. At the same time, I dialed 110, and I thought it was good I had memorized the emergency numbers with my 5-year-old.
I explained the situation to the operator, who was clear and concise, and got an overview of the situation. They asked me to run around the house outside to gather more information. When I came around to the back in nothing but boxers, I saw that the room below our bedrooms in our basement apartment was filled with smoke, and thick smoke was seeping up along the wall. Back in the workout room with the rest of my family, my wife had gone into the living room (which still wasn't filled with smoke) and grabbed blankets to wrap around the boys.
They were still shivering. Probably due to a mix of cold and fear.
I managed to find a Swix shirt that was lying in the living room.
Then it hit me; our cat, Milo, was indoors. I took the shirt over my mouth and quickly ran back into the bathroom, where the cat was lying on the changing table in the warmth, enjoying himself. I picked him up under my arm and brought him to our meeting point. I was still on the line with 110. Now they could inform me that the fire department was on its way. Shortly after, I saw the flashing blue lights a little ways down the street. It couldn't have been more than 4-5 minutes since I called. Incredible!
I stood in the street to signal our location and led the red pickup with flashing blue lights into the driveway in front of our basement apartment and explained everything I knew.
Not long after, the whole street was filled with emergency vehicles. Ambulances, police, and fire trucks. Now the fire truck had also arrived and started setting up. All the emergency vehicles were producing an unreal mix of flashing lights. Our calm street was suddenly not so calm anymore. The kids' eyes were wide. Both boys have always been super interested in all kinds of emergency vehicles. Fireman Sam is their hero. Suddenly, there's a whole parade of these vehicles in our driveway. The boys and I were taken inside the ambulance, where they measured our blood oxygen saturation. I had played around with a sensor that measures this at work and knew I should be around 100. I had a clip put around my finger and the number slowly but surely rose to 100. My pulse was at 53. Good. The boys also had completely normal values. The 5-year-old had a pulse above 120, but given the situation, that couldn't be said to be abnormal.
At this point, neighbors had understandably woken up and offered us to come inside to warm up. How incredibly kind of them. One of their kids goes to the same kindergarten as ours. The man of the house wasn’t feeling well after just getting the Covid vaccine. Still, we were invited in, and they served us both food and drink and dressed us in borrowed clothes. The kids settled down on the floor in some blankets and watched a bit of kids' TV on Mom's phone.
Time passed, and I got in touch with the incident commander from the police. I got in the car and explained the situation. I started making some hypotheses about what could have caused the fire. We were in the middle of renovation in the basement. Most of the electrical system had been disconnected due to the renovation work. I had an inspection by electricians last week and had ordered a complete renovation of the electrical system. Earlier that day, we had a family over for a viewing. They had 5-year-old twins running around like 5-year-olds do. Were they close to a panel heater? I wasn’t sure. I shared what I knew.
Eventually, we understood that we needed to check into a hotel, and we made our way to Bårdshaug Manor in Orkanger. There we were accommodated and gathered in blankets and beds before we eventually fell asleep once again.
Safe.
Together.
Aftermath¶
This article was not meant to merely describe the situation. That I could have written about on Facebook. The point of writing an article about this is that I want to reflect on how we can handle this situation in the best possible way. Sudden, dramatic events like this can shake even the most stable person. It can be a breeding ground for PTSD. I wish to write a bit about how our family can manage this best to minimize our own pain. And I'm not talking about physical pain, but mental pain. The pain that is too easy to inflict upon ourselves.
Love What Happens 💓¶
Thomas Edison’s lab burned down. That was his life's work. All his inventions and notes were there.
How did he react?
He asked his wife to bring the kids to admire the fire.
-"You will never see a fire like this again."
It has only been a few days since I published the article "Love What Happens." Here I truly have an opportunity to practice loving a challenging situation. A fire that could have claimed lives. A house that is uninhabitable. Most likely for several weeks. Until after Easter. A basement apartment in which we’ve invested a lot of money renovating. A feeling that I could have done more to prevent the fire. An impulse to place blame on someone.
But I will manage to love it. We will manage to turn this into a positive situation. This is fantastic training. If we get through this, we can get through anything.
Gratitude 🙏¶
The first thing we can do to turn the situation around is to take the opportunity to find gratitude for things we might usually take for granted or have not been conscious of. Here we’ve created a long list:
- For the fact that everyone is safe. This is the most important thing of all.
- For the great and wonderful family home we initially own.
- For the fire department that reacted incredibly quickly and did a great job. This provides security.
- For police and ambulance personnel, who also showed the same professionalism.
- For our welfare society, which ensures that we have such services available to everyone.
- For our kind neighbors who offered us food and shelter in the middle of the night.
- For having a hotel nearby that could take us in at night. Additionally, a family room.
- For all the care and concern we have received from family, colleagues, and friends. This has been overwhelming. Messages have poured in from people offering to help in any way they can. Relief at work, moving things, cooking, laundry, taking kids to kindergarten and activities, housing, and even offers of a camping trailer. I am truly touched by the kindness people have shown. 🙏😊
- For having home and contents insurance.
- For the opportunity to train on a challenging situation as a family.
- For being able to use the situation to learn. Learn how we handle challenges and adversity. So we can become more resilient.
Guilt and Responsibility 😠¶
It is incredibly tempting to spin further on all the hypotheses about what may have happened. It is natural for us humans. We want to understand what has happened. It gives us a logical explanation, and perhaps someone to place blame upon.
What good can come from this?
There may have been numerous people who did something that contributed to starting the fire. As the man of the house, however, I feel that the ultimate responsibility lies with me. I should have been even more vigilant and careful about fire safety in the basement apartment. Yet I will not blame myself for this. I did my best based on my knowledge and experiences at the time. But I will learn from this. I will use the lessons to improve. I will invest in a slightly more advanced fire alarm system. I will become vigilant.
I will become the family’s fire inspector!
Thoroughness brings safety. -Slogan of NORSOF (Norwegian Special Operations Forces)
By attempting to lay blame on others, I would have cultivated bitterness.
What good can come from that?
By placing blame on myself, I would have sown the seeds of self-loathing. That certainly is not productive.
I take full responsibility for what happened and will learn from it. But I will not beat myself up beyond that. That would do no good for anyone.
Another angle we could have taken would be to see the incident as unjust. To view it as punishment from the universe.
To think, "Why did this have to happen to us?" This is also not particularly useful. Shit happens.
Things happen to everyone. Some more than others. That’s just the way the world is.
In the grand scheme of things, it is not what happens to us that impacts how we feel. It is how we handle what happens to us. By shifting the focus away from what and why things happen to us to what we do about it, we take back responsibility. We find a useful way forward.
Anti-Fragility 🦸♂️🦸♀️¶
By feeling gratitude and avoiding blame and contempt, we’re well on our way. Gratitude is a good feeling. By increasing it, we feel better. Contempt is a bad feeling. By minimizing it, we avoid feeling worse.
That’s all well and good. But can we take this even further? Can we turn this incident into something positive?
Can we be the strong flame that grows stronger in the wind?
I believe so.
The day after the fire, we took the opportunity to enjoy time together as a family. We talked about what happened. All that we have to be grateful for. We ordered takeaway pizza for dinner (that doesn’t happen often 😛). We bought some new books for the kids and read them on the hotel bed. We brought the mini-SNES. We ran and played in the hotel corridors. We brought workout gear to the hotel room and have beautiful, new surroundings to walk in. We were served a fantastic hotel breakfast that we could enjoy together. My wife doesn’t have to do housework.
We can turn this into a positive experience. An opportunity to see that we can flourish regardless of our surroundings. This strengthens our sense of mastery as a family. We become stronger. Safer. Better equipped to handle whatever may come our way.
Because adversity is inevitable. What matters is what we do with it.
Conclusion¶
It was good for me to put these thoughts into words. Hopefully, some of these reflections can be useful for others. Perhaps you are experiencing a challenging situation, now or in the future. How will you handle it?
Will you let it weigh you down?
Or will you use it to become stronger? 💪🔥