[{"content":"Updated: June 21, 2022\nThis is a question I have been asked several times. It seems distant for many to run for many hours straight. It felt distant for me too, not many years ago.\n\u0026ldquo;Why?\u0026rdquo; is a question I often ask myself.\nIt\u0026rsquo;s a question I need to have a good answer to if I\u0026rsquo;m to undertake races like this.\nKnowing the \u0026ldquo;why\u0026rdquo; is crucial for accomplishing anything demanding, whether it be a larger goal in studies, career, family, or sports.\nIt’s about concretizing one\u0026rsquo;s values.\nFor me, this article is an attempt to articulate why I take on a goal like running distances that seem incomprehensible to many.\nA Step Towards Who I Want to Be It starts with an overarching picture of who I want to be.\nGoals become small tasks in life that will take me in the direction of the person I want to be.\nI have a long-term vision of being able to play with my great-grandchildren when I am 100 years old. Of course, there are many things I cannot control that will influence whether that vision becomes a reality. But I at least want to do what is within my power.\nAdditionally, I want to develop a \u0026ldquo;Stoic mindset.\u0026rdquo; I want to be resilient, train myself to endure much, and appreciate little. In today’s society, this is something most of us need to pursue consciously. Step outside your comfort zone. Do something that scares you. Learn to appreciate the small things.\nStruggling and suffering are the essence of a life worth living. If you\u0026rsquo;re not pushing yourself beyond the comfort zone, if you\u0026rsquo;re not demanding more from yourself—expanding and learning as you go—you\u0026rsquo;re choosing a numb existence. You\u0026rsquo;re denying yourself an extraordinary trip.\nDean Karnazes, Ultramarathon Man Long endurance exercises have frightened me for much of my life. It’s something I felt I could not cope with. Something I thought I wasn’t made for.\nIt has definitely been miles outside my comfort zone.\nMoreover, it is important for me to be a role model for my children. I want to have stories to tell that demonstrate that it is possible to achieve great things if one puts in the work and doesn’t give up.\nUltramarathon running matches these aspects of who I want to be.\nThe Battle Against Myself I like to think that we all have an angel and a devil inside us. One voice that is positive and pushes us towards our greatest potential. And a voice that pulls us down, telling us how bad we are and that we will never realize our potential.\nThe only way to make the devil shut up is to develop deep self-confidence. The belief that you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to. By repeatedly collecting such victories, the devil gradually loses his voice. Then there’s little that can hold you back from achieving what you want.\nDavid Goggins calls this struggle a war against oneself. It may not sound particularly pleasant, but for me, it\u0026rsquo;s a war against the devil on my shoulder. The demon at my back.\nCan\u0026rsquo;t Hurt Me - An incredibly inspiring story\nCall it self-torture if you like, but for me, it\u0026rsquo;s the torment of the demon, not the angel.\nIf you want to be one of the few to defy those trends in our ever-softening society, you will have to be willing to go to war with yourself and create a whole new identity, which requires an open mind.\nI win a small battle every time I lace up my running shoes and get out the door at 5 AM. It feels good.\nWhy (Ultra)Running? Running is the simplest sport in the world. You need nothing, although a pair of shoes can be useful. It can be done anywhere and at any time. There’s always an opportunity to run.\nThe reason I chose this goal is also that it is a way to get to know my own body. After many years focused on strength and muscle building, endurance is an area I wanted to learn more about. By setting a goal to become a better runner, I suddenly became much more interested in learning about mechanisms and training philosophies related to endurance as well.\nIt’s important for me to set goals that can be implemented in a busy everyday life, with work and family, and that positively influence other goals and areas of life.\nFor me, running is an activity that makes me perform better both at work and with my family.\nI get to clear my head, be outdoors in nature and sweat a little.\nSometimes I get into a complete flow.\nSometimes I push myself a notch or two out of my comfort zone.\nSometimes I share the running experience with others.\nI have never regretted a run.\nThe Inner Dialogue Have you tried meditating? Just being completely still and not thinking about anything. Quite demanding. The mental aspect of running for many hours straight is comparable. You are forced to let your thoughts flow. You are compelled to listen to whatever surfaces. Things that you manage to push away in daily life are sure to pop up during a long run.\nLearning to control the inner dialogue is an exciting challenge.\nTo choose which thoughts you wish to have at any given moment.\nIt’s a skill that can serve you well in all aspects of life.\nPerhaps it’s one of the most important things one can learn for a good life.\nOuch! I twisted my ankle. Thought A: Damn, how typical for something like this to happen right now. I should just quit.\nThought B: Good, then I get the chance to test my ability to endure pain. Game on!\nDuring an ultramarathon, you get countless opportunities to embrace what is happening.\nGoals I will never become a good ultramarathon runner. It would require more time and effort than I am willing to put in. But for me, it\u0026rsquo;s fun to see how good I can become with the time and effort I have set aside.\nI am unwilling to set goals based on factors I cannot control.\nPlacement and time are not relevant.\nMy race is against myself.\nMy goal in running an ultramarathon is exactly the same as in the rest of life.\nTo do my best. At all times.\nTo make the gap between my current self and the best version of myself a little smaller.\nAreté.\nConclusion To summarize, here are my reasons for running ultramarathons:\nIt takes me a step closer to the person I want to be. It makes me better in other areas that are even more important to me. It gives me enjoyable experiences in everyday life. It provides me with a worthy goal to work toward. If you find a goal that satisfies these four criteria for you, I have just one question:\nWhat are you waiting for?\nP.S. I and 25 others will be running the Hokus Pokus Ultra on Friday 2024/06/22, and in connection with that, I have created a fundraiser to support cancer research. (Another reason for me to complete the race.)\nWe are grateful for everyone who wishes to contribute!\n","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2022/06/05/why-run-an-ultramarathon/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eUpdated: June 21, 2022\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is a question I have been asked several times. It seems distant for many to run for many hours straight. It felt distant for me too, not many years ago.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026ldquo;Why?\u0026rdquo; is a question I often ask myself.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026rsquo;s a question I need to have a good answer to if I\u0026rsquo;m to undertake races like this.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eKnowing the \u0026ldquo;why\u0026rdquo; is crucial for accomplishing anything demanding, whether it be a larger goal in studies, career, family, or sports.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"Why Run an Ultramarathon?"},{"content":"In the mid-90s, we received a brochure in the mail from a sort of film club with an overview of the latest VHS releases. We had the option to order 4 of these films for a package price. I usually got to choose one of the 4. Once I picked The Rock. I remember how incredibly good I thought that movie was, and I watched it at least 10 times. The impression of The Rock as one of the greatest movies of all time still lingers. I felt like I had made a good choice — a choice that brought a sense of satisfaction both before, during, and after watching the film.\nFast forward 15 years.\nMy wife and I settled down on the couch one evening, having decided to watch a movie together. We don’t do this often, so we were determined to find a film that would be \u0026ldquo;worth\u0026rdquo; spending a couple of hours on. We fired up Netflix and began to scroll through the options. Some titles caught our interest. We read the descriptions, but neither of us was ready to commit to choosing a film. The feeling that there were better options out there lured us to keep browsing. After a quarter of an hour, we still hadn’t decided on a movie. In hindsight, I can barely remember which film we watched. The satisfaction of the choice was not the same as it was 15 years ago.\nThis got me thinking. Shouldn\u0026rsquo;t more choices lead to better outcomes?\nWhat about the options available regarding larger, important questions? Questions such as:\nWhat should I do with my time? Where should I live? Where should I go on vacation? Who should I spend time with? What should I learn? Who do I want to share my life with? What should I become? What should I work on? Are more options better?\nLet’s first take a brief historical look at how the number of opportunities in these areas has evolved over the past century.\nOpportunities in the Past Technological development and welfare have given most of us opportunities that were unthinkable just a few years ago.\nThink about your grandparents. Most likely, they grew up in Norway in the mid-20th century. If they had the opportunity to travel much, it was slow. The number of leisure activities available to them was probably not vast. Skiing in the winter and soccer in the summer for the active ones.\nPlaying an instrument or reading books for the more intellectual. The selection of books for children and young people was probably not large. Anne-Cath. Vestly and Alf Prøysen were likely well-represented. For entertainment, there was radio, or perhaps a gramophone. Not like the radio today, where there are countless channels to choose from.\nNRK. Radio was also the primary source of information. Perhaps supplemented by a rare newspaper for local news and an encyclopedia for general knowledge for some. When it came time for social interactions, it was not a big question who one would associate with. It was limited, of course, to those who were geographically close. The neighbor girl. The farmer boy. When the time came to think about dating, there probably weren’t many more choices. Maybe they met someone at high school. Maybe it was the son of a family friend. Education was often predetermined, if there was any choice at all. Domestic science school, agricultural school. High school. NTH with a few study directions for the truly privileged.\nThe same goes for professions. Women had few options. Men had a few more, but still not plenty.\nNot that long ago, choices were implicit. For most, there were often not even real choices.\nOpportunities Now Fast forward to today.\nWe can travel almost anywhere in the world in a day or two.\nLeisure opportunities are endless. E-sports clubs, parkour, and padel. Just within PC gaming, there’s a whole universe. If one wants to read a book, the choice is not easy. Hundreds of e-books.\nThe mobile phone has become the primary source of both information, entertainment, and social interaction. It is difficult to know which app contributes to what.\nWhat about TV and film? Thousands of options available with a few taps on the screen.\nNetflix, HBO, Sumo, Viaplay, Dplay, you name it!\nSocial media is the primary source of information. But what is fake news, clickbait, and actual information? It is hard to know.\nEven worse; Social media gives us a false image of all the options that exist out there. Everyone posts \u0026ldquo;glamour shots\u0026rdquo; of their lives, making it easy to think that they have it better than us. That there are better options out there.\nWhen it comes time to start looking for romantic partners, we have Tinder. Swipe left. Swipe right. Options pop up. There are an infinite number of fish in the sea.\nThen it’s time to choose education. It must be easy. We’ve been told our whole lives that we can become whatever we want. We can educate ourselves in everything from 3D printing human organs to fermentation. The possibilities are overwhelming.\nThe same goes for professions. We have the opportunities. But it is difficult to choose among all the available options.\nCompare the number of options a young person has today with the options available just a few (in human history) years ago. The difference is gigantic. And there are no signs that the opportunities will disappear anytime soon.\nThe Effect of All the Opportunities It is easy to think that more options are better. It is fantastic to have all these choices available. But do they actually make us \u0026ldquo;happier\u0026rdquo;? Do they increase our quality of life?\nAs with most things, it is our own subjective perception that determines reality. It may well be that there were better film options objectively than The Rock on my childhood order list. Still, it was my subjective experience of that choice that made my satisfaction with that choice so great. Perhaps I would have experienced equal satisfaction by choosing another film.\nSo, it is not just the outcome of the choice that affects us. It is also what we think and feel about the outcome.\nResearch shows that more choices are better up to a certain point, but that after a certain point, diminishing returns occur. The gray curve illustrates the benefits of increased opportunities. The dotted curve illustrates the costs of increased opportunities. These costs are not as intuitive as the benefits. The costs associated with negative thoughts and feelings about the outcome. So what exactly lies behind these costs?\nGrant and Schwartz describe three ways that an increased number of options can lead us to a worse outcome.\nThe first is the feeling of regret. After choosing a career path, it is easy to feel regret when it becomes challenging and exhausting. If the film you decided on has a few minutes with little action, it is easy to think you have made a worse choice. What we think about the choice becomes the feeling and memory we are left with. Social media can contribute to decreased satisfaction with our own choices. Imagine you just made a choice between two employers. Shortly after you start, the employer you didn’t choose posts a picture of a corporate retreat posing on a ski slope, looking thrilled. And you, who love to ski. Your new employer has no trips planned, and you have to grind at the office with a task that is more demanding than you envisioned. Regret.\nThe second mechanism against more options is FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). The fear of missing out. Most choices involve trade-offs, meaning one must forgo something to gain something else. With a high number of options, the chance increases that the ones you do not choose have some attractive characteristics that you must give up. If you are going to buy a cabin, it is difficult to find one that is both in the mountains and by the sea. If your options consist of all possible cabins, it is easy to get caught in indecision.\nThe last mechanism arises due to high expectations. As the gray curve illustrates, it is natural to expect a better outcome with increased choices. Think back to a fantastic restaurant experience you had. I bet it doesn’t stem from a Michelin star restaurant, but rather a place where you didn’t have high expectations to begin with. With high expectations comes the risk of disappointment, and a reduced likelihood of being positively surprised.\nI believe these mechanisms are an important contributing cause behind many mental health challenges that young people face today.\nSo how can we tackle such large, complex choices with an overwhelming number of options in a way that ensures the outcome is good from both an objective and subjective perspective? A choice that one is satisfied with? That reduces the negative feelings associated with the choice.\nI believe the main challenge is to be satisfied with the choice after it has been made. We can achieve this by letting go of the notion that one must make an optimal choice. It is simply not possible without knowing what lies ahead in the future.\nWe must lower expectations. Be satisfied with making the best choice based on the available information at the time of decision-making.\nA structured decision-making process can help us with this.\nA Personal Decision-Making Process Many use some form of decision-making process at work. When the Oil Fund decides whether and where to invest billions, thorough assessments underpin the decision.\nFor you and me, it might be just as important to do thorough evaluations to make significant, personal choices. Here we stand alone. It is liberating, but at the same time, frightening.\nOften, one can advantageously postpone the decision until a later time. You can use the time leading up to a decision point to gather information that supports the decision-making process. But sooner or later, one is forced to make a choice. The alternative is to end up in an eternal state of searching. End up not watching a movie at all. Like a job hopper. Like a burner who never commits to a relationship.\nWith a decision-making process, we can reinforce the confidence that we have made a good choice.\nDepending on the context and decision, different decision-making processes may be suitable. Benjamin Franklin proposed creating a \u0026ldquo;Pros and Cons\u0026rdquo; list. For choices with multiple alternatives, the DECIDE model can be helpful. I personally used the process described in the article series \u0026ldquo;Create Your Dream Job\u0026rdquo; to choose which career path to take in 2016. That decision-making process created a sense of security that I had made the decision to the best of my ability.\nOften, we can use others\u0026rsquo; experiences to gather better information about a choice. It is important to be aware of our individual differences and to be selective about the sources we want to draw from. Be cautious about using the majority as a source. Best-selling book lists, the most popular TV series. The most common professions. These can be useful sources of insight, but we also need to listen to ourselves and our own unique voice.\nA decision-making process gives you the certainty needed that you have made the choice to the best of your ability. This makes it easier to commit. You get ownership of the decision.\nCommitment Without commitment, uncertainty will grow. Especially when faced with challenges as a result of the choice. A demanding job. A relationship that requires effort. A somewhat boring part of the movie.\nMany times, one will attempt to change the choice.\nSwitch jobs. Look for a new partner. Switch to another film.\nThe Grass is Always Greener Syndrome 2.0.\nBut will the next choice be better? The grass is greener where we water it.\nIf you commit, you give the choice a real chance. Here, one must find the balance between having the possibility to reassess the choice at some point in the future (it may have been a terrible choice) and committing to investing sufficient time and effort into the choice for it to reveal its true colors.\nThe choice can be a diamond hidden beneath a layer of hardened clay. With effort and time, it will reveal itself.\nIn practice, I find it useful to set a future date for reevaluation of the choice. For a new job, it might be a year. For a new leisure activity, it could be 30 days. The insights you will gain at that point will be far more valuable than simply imagining the effects of the choice in advance.\nReinforcement When one doubts their choices, it is reassuring to know that they have conducted a thorough decision-making process. But it is not always enough. We forget easily. Begin to doubt the choice. Forget the commitment. To reinforce the commitment, we can leverage the fact that we can create our own subjective reality. What you focus on can shape your perspective.\n","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/04/24/the-age-of-opportunities/","summary":"In the mid-90s, we received a brochure in the mail from a sort of film club containing an overview of the latest VHS releases. We had the chance to order 4 of these films for a package price.","title":"The Age of Opportunities"},{"content":"When I hear the term \u0026ldquo;nudge,\u0026rdquo; my thoughts drift back to MSN Messenger, which was a popular chat application in the early 2000s. There, a user could \u0026ldquo;nudge\u0026rdquo; another to catch their attention.\nMSN Messenger - Anno 2004\nThe feeling of receiving a nudge was a bit irritating—a combination of a shaking window and an unpleasant sound—but it often resulted in attention being directed to the person who nudged.\nIf you’re a man, there’s a good chance you’ve visited a urinal with a fake fly on it.\nDid you aim for the fly?\nMe too. In fact, research has shown that this little fly reduced urinal spillage by a whopping 80%(!).\nIsn\u0026rsquo;t that amazing?\nWhat a fantastic example of a small, cost-effective change in the environment that positively influences our behavior without any negative consequences for ourselves.\nThis is nudging in the context of behavioral economics.\nIn 2008, Nobel Prize winner in economics, Richard H. Thaler, and Harvard professor Cass R. Sunstein wrote the fascinating book \u0026ldquo;Nudge - Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness.\u0026rdquo; There, they introduced research building on Kahneman (another Nobel Prize winner) and Tversky\u0026rsquo;s studies about System 1 (fast, automatic) and System 2 (slow, deliberate) thinking, and the pitfalls we often fall into when making decisions. Many of our decisions are irrational. They conflict with what we would have chosen if we were more aware of our options.\nThaler and Sunstein show in the book how we can leverage this to our advantage through nudging.\nNudging can be translated as \u0026ldquo;dulting\u0026rdquo; in Norwegian. A gentle push in the desired direction.\nIn this context, we can see a nudge as a small change in the environment, designed to alter people\u0026rsquo;s behavior without changing the options or incentives.\nIn this article, I will describe some examples of nudging and offer some ideas on how you can nudge yourself to make better choices. Choices that can lead you to a healthier lifestyle, better finances, increased productivity, and improved relationships.\nI will show you how to nudge yourself to a better life.\nAt the Societal Level Since 2008, nudging has been applied in many areas with positive outcomes at the societal level.\nImagine receiving a reminder from the tax authorities to submit your tax return, along with a sentence stating that 97% of the population has already submitted theirs. It’s natural that you would not want to be among the 3% who haven’t submitted.\nOr picture standing in line at a cafeteria, about to buy a drink. Do you think your choice will be influenced by the placement of different beverage options in the refrigerator? You’re right.\nBy moving soft drinks and energy drinks to the bottom shelf of the refrigerator, sales of those items were reduced, benefiting water and juice.\nIn the UK, they\u0026rsquo;ve set up a Nudge Unit that designs and implements nudging experiments aimed at positively influencing people\u0026rsquo;s behavior for the benefit of society.\nThey changed the pension system so that citizens had to explicitly opt out of membership in a pension scheme. Only 10% did so.\nBy exploiting the weaknesses of the brain, we can make better choices.\nChoices that we genuinely want to make if we engaged in System 2 thinking to deliberately consider our options.\nChoices where System 1 takes shortcuts for us.\nThus, we can \u0026ldquo;trick\u0026rdquo; System 1 into making better choices through small changes in our surroundings. And the best part? It requires no willpower.\nI’m excited to see how politicians can use nudging to tackle huge problems like obesity (a ticking time bomb) and mental health issues. The potential at the macro level is vast.\nBut what about you and me?\nJordan Peterson’s rule six in \u0026ldquo;12 Rules for Life\u0026rdquo; is \u0026ldquo;Clean up your own room before criticizing the world.\u0026rdquo;\nMarcus Aurelius agrees.\nWe must start with ourselves.\nOur actions are within our control.\nHow can you and I as individuals nudge ourselves to make better choices? At the Individual Level Each of us makes about 35,000 decisions each day. 98% of these are made by System 1, based on shortcuts, heuristics, or the result of our habits.\nBy making slight changes to our environment, we have the potential to alter some of the choices we make.\nWe can nudge ourselves to exercise more, eat healthier, be more mindful, and save more.\nThese choices can have a significant impact on how our lives unfold over time.\nThe effect of small choices over time is staggering.\nNudge Unit chief David Halpern also discusses System 2 nudging. This can be seen as information that enables us to make more thoughtful choices.\nMy article about Taking the Damn Stairs was a System 2 nudge to you. By attempting to describe the symbolic effect of taking the stairs, I hoped to influence you to make better choices. The hope is that the next time you face a decision between taking the stairs or the escalator, this article pops into your mind, engages System 2 of your brain, and helps you make a conscious decision rather than going on autopilot.\nBut where can we start? My personal approach has been to identify areas I want to change and pinpoint small actions that, when done regularly, have the potential for a large effect over time. An action with the potential to become a keystone habit.\nOne such action for me has been keeping a journal. After several years, this action has now become automatic. A habit. But at first, it wasn’t. I struggled for a while with sporadic writing before I could establish journaling as a routine. The key for me was twofold:\nI placed my journal near the coffee maker so that I would be reminded of the opportunity to write. This was a System 1 nudge.\nDuring this time, I read several articles and books on journaling to become more aware of its effects and the most appealing tactics for me. This was a System 2 nudge.\nAfter a short period, the choice became more automatic and has since become a well-integrated part of my morning routine.\nExercise is another keystone habit I’ve incorporated into my morning routine. By having a kettlebell and two dumbbells readily available in my living room, I make the choice to fit in a quick workout easy and visible.\nBy hanging a weight vest in the hallway by the front door, I give myself a little nudge to wear the vest when, for example, going out with the family, which maximizes the benefits of the outing.\nDiet is another area where nudging can help us make better choices. By using a shopping list, you can \u0026ldquo;protect\u0026rdquo; yourself from the nudging done by grocery stores to get you to buy the items they want you to purchase. Have you noticed how sweets are often placed closest to the checkout? This is, of course, not coincidental.\nAnother example is selling fruits and vegetables as snacks.\nSimilarly, we can simplify the choice to eat healthily by cutting fruits and vegetables into small, convenient pieces and placing them in a spot that makes them more appealing than other (less healthy) alternatives.\nAn alarm can be a helpful way to nudge yourself. I’ve set an alarm to send my wife a small note during the workday. This was a choice I wanted to make, but I often found it slipped my mind in favor of the workload ahead. With a simple alarm on my phone, I now do this more often.\nA final area where nudging has been incredibly effective for me is saving. I used to think that I could save whatever was left over each month. That didn’t work out well. There was rarely much left over.\nBy setting up an automatic savings plan on the same day I receive my paycheck, I make the choice to save automatic. It’s happened that I’ve skipped saving one month if I knew I would have additional expenses, but then I had to adjust the automatic setting in my online bank. This makes it much easier to make the choice I truly want. It is now the \u0026ldquo;default\u0026rdquo; setting that is automatically executed unless I intervene.\nHere\u0026rsquo;s a list of several nudges that may be relevant to you:\nInstall plants at home or in the workplace A post-it note on the computer screen about something you want to be mindful of throughout the workday Set a periodic alarm on your phone for something you wish to be reminded of Rearrange your refrigerator so that healthy options are at the front Buy smaller plates (if you want to lose a bit of weight) Set up an automatic savings plan or smart savings using apps like (Dreams or Kron) A fitness tracker (heart rate watch, etc.) that nudges you to move Polar\u0026rsquo;s \u0026ldquo;Inactivity Alert\u0026rdquo; Conclusion Nudging can be a simple and effective way to help yourself make better choices. The potential upside is great, and the cost is low.\nDo yourself a favor and think about what nudges you can set up to help you make a few better choices in your daily life.\nSome better choices can make you a stronger version of yourself.\nDo you have any examples or tips for nudges that others can benefit from?\n","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/04/14/nudge-yourself-to-a-better-life/","summary":"Nudging can be a simple and effective way to help yourself make better choices. The potential upside is great, and the cost is low.","title":"Nudge Yourself to a Better Life!"},{"content":"A romantic relationship can be incredibly rewarding and can serve as the foundation for a flourishing family. Here are three keys we have learned for creating a strong partnership.\nTable of Contents 3 Keys to a Good Relationship Key #1: A Good Relationship Requires Effort Key #2: An Open Communication Channel Key #3: Complete Acceptance and Unconditional Love Final Words A romantic relationship with another person can be incredibly rewarding. It might be one of the most important experiences we can have in life, providing a safe platform to become the best version of ourselves.\nMy wife and I have been together for 8 years now, and married for a bit over 3. It has been quite a journey with ups and downs, and we have gone through many phases of our relationship.\nWe are certainly not experts yet. The journey, learning, and development will continue. We have much to work on.\nNevertheless, we believe we have reached some points that may be useful for others.\nWe have overcome many hurdles—hurdles that we see many around us struggle with. Hurdles that have caused many to give up. Hurdles that all relationships will face sooner or later.\nWe created a shared vision of a family gathering in 2067, where we celebrate our golden wedding anniversary with the extended family we have built together through our willingness to put in the work required for our relationship.\nIn this article, I want to present the most important lessons we have learned—the keys that have given us the momentum to overcome the hurdles we have faced until now.\nI don\u0026rsquo;t find it particularly easy to write (or speak) about feelings. It doesn\u0026rsquo;t come naturally. It makes me vulnerable. The instinct is to think about what others might think. To consider the Law of Jante. Who am I to write about such a topic? Yet, I will take that leap. I will do my best given my limited thoughts and experiences.\nIf there is anything I have learned, it is that daring to do uncomfortable things is one of the most rewarding things I can do.\nI hope something of what we have learned can help you and your (future) partner over a hurdle or two.\n🔑#1 A Good Relationship Requires Effort\nThe first key took me a long time to discover. Through movies and books, we are led to believe that love is identical to infatuation. This is a myth. A trap.\nAn infatuation gives no guarantees, only a hope for a life forever. Life has shown me that love is more than infatuation.\n— Gaute Ormåsen\nThis myth gives you a false hope. A hope that there is one person out there whom you will get along with so perfectly that you will live happily together for the rest of your lives without putting in significant effort. A hope that the grass is greener on the other side.\nThe grass turns green where you water it.\nThis trap has destroyed many relationships. My wife found this key before I did. Fortunately, she showed it to me before we gave up. I will always be grateful for that. Not every moment is like this. Both my wife and I are far from perfect and must continuously work on our relationship.\nIt is indeed quite logical. Nothing worth having comes easily. A dream job. Freedom. A strong and healthy body. Wisdom. Courage. Love.\nYet, it is so difficult. We are deceived into thinking that things come naturally. We seek shortcuts and \u0026ldquo;hacks.\u0026rdquo;\nThere are no shortcuts. If both parties in a relationship shift their focus away from themselves and to their partner\u0026rsquo;s needs, something magical happens. Instead of being irritated that your partner is not meeting your needs, you can find joy in meeting your partner\u0026rsquo;s needs. It feels good to do good for others, especially someone you care about. If you truly love someone, this is the greatest joy.\nTask Take out a piece of paper or a blank page in your journal and reflect on these questions:\nHow do you want your relationship to look in 5 years? How do you need to change to create this relationship? What specific actions are you willing to take in your daily life with the goal of creating this relationship? How can you support your partner in areas that are important to them? 🔑#2 An Open Communication Channel\nThe first key is to create an open communication channel. A channel where we can openly and honestly talk about our relationship. We discuss how we want to feel and how we wish to be.\nIf one party in a relationship has unmet needs and goes on feeling irritated without saying anything, it shortens the pathway to hostile comments and generally poor vibes.\nBy establishing an open and safe communication channel, there is room to discuss each other\u0026rsquo;s needs. To listen to one another to better understand each other.\nIf your partner is complaining about the housework, it is likely that there is something deeper behind it—some needs that are not being met—something that cannot be brought up and discussed in the hustle and bustle of daily life.\nOne of the most important aspects of such a channel is that it gives us a space to listen. To listen to understand what is really underlying the complaints.\nFor a long time, I was a fixer. This is still my natural reaction if my wife brings up a challenge or problem with me.\nOver time, I have come to understand more and more that it is not about the nail.\nIt is about something deeper—something that is difficult to understand without an open communication channel.\nTask Invite your partner on a date to share your thoughts from the previous task with each other. Then, have an honest conversation where both of you present what the other could do best to satisfy each other\u0026rsquo;s most important needs.\nThe 3 most important things you can do for me to help me thrive are:\nPerhaps feeling more appreciated? Getting more freedom to engage in flow activities? Having time to be social? Receiving support to explore a new career path? Being allowed to go to the gym? Having enough time to perform well at work? Receiving help on a task that feels stressful? Gaining more sexual attention? Enjoying more romantic attentiveness? With newfound insights into each other\u0026rsquo;s needs, the next step becomes exciting: What can I do to better meet these needs?\nThis can turn into a playful game where both seek to understand each other better and facilitate the best possible blossoming of the other.\nOne tip might be to set up a weekly mini-date where you review the week and evaluate yourselves as partners: In which areas do I feel I did well this week? What situations could I have handled better? What can I focus on next week to be an even better partner? It is important that this does not develop into a tug of war and become a space for blaming your partner for what they could have done.\nThe key is to give each other insights that the other can use in their efforts to become a better partner to you.\n🔑#3 Complete Acceptance and Unconditional Love\nThe third key is difficult. It is incredibly easy for us to think that we wish our partner were this way or that way. We have an illusion of how we believe we want our partner to be.\nCouldn’t he just be a little more romantic? Couldn’t she take better care of herself physically? Couldn’t she be a little less focused on her job? Does she really need to spend half an hour in the bathroom every morning? Couldn’t she take better care of the car? Couldn’t he do a few more diaper changes? You need to rid yourself of these desires about who and how you want your partner to be. This is something you cannot control. However, this is not to say that you cannot make requests (within an open communication channel).\nIf you make pleasant requests instead of voicing complaints, the chances increase tremendously that your partner will want to do these things for you.\nIt becomes a self-chosen goal to become a better partner versus an imposed goal. Motivation is infinitely stronger when it stems from an inner desire rather than when others tell us what to do. Most of us feel an immediate aversion when someone tries to tell us exactly what to do. We need to figure it out ourselves.\nYou must accept your partner just as they are right now—imperfect and flawed, with all their quirks and shortcomings.\nYou are both products of your experiences from birth to now. This is what has shaped you. Do not judge each other for the ways you are.\nOnly when you are able to completely accept your partner are you ready to give unconditional love. This is the highest form of love. We must love our partner in the same way we love a newborn. We love the child just as much, regardless of whether it keeps us awake at night. We find joy in this love.\nYou can let go of the desire for how your partner should be and instead love them for exactly who they are.\nNo matter how much they might complain. No matter how much they shop. No matter how little housework they do. No matter what.\nLove must not be based on behavior. It must be completely unconditional. In my childhood home, there hung a picture that my mom had put up with the text: \u0026ldquo;Love me most when I deserve it least, for then I need it the most.\u0026rdquo;\nThis is unconditional love. If your partner is in a bad mental state and hurls a snarky comment your way, it\u0026rsquo;s all too easy to get hurt and retaliate.\nWhat if, instead, you see this as an opportunity to love your partner all the more? View it as a golden opportunity to do something that might help them feel better. This is far from easy, but the value is great.\nTask Write a list of everything you love about your partner. From big things to small things. Reflect on how much you appreciate all these qualities. Some possible reflection themes:\nIsn’t this enough? Is it fair to demand that your partner changes to deserve your love? Are my partner\u0026rsquo;s actions in a heated moment a true reflection of them? Isn’t it natural that we all sometimes fall short of being our best selves? Do I accept myself when I make \u0026ldquo;mistakes\u0026rdquo;? Should I accept my partner when they make \u0026ldquo;mistakes\u0026rdquo;? Final Words I am far from any relationship expert you can find. 😅 However, I hope that some of this can be useful.\nAs long as you have values that align well around the most significant areas of life, the chance is incredibly high that you can create a long and happy relationship.\nBut only if both parties are willing to work for it.\nNothing comes easily. Not even meaningful and rewarding relationships.\nBut remember to enjoy each other and the journey along the way. This is not a race. There is no finish line to reach. Be patient.\nEnjoy the journey.\nThe journey is the experience itself.\nHere, as in life in general\u0026hellip;\nCreate a fantastic partnership!\n💓🙏\n","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/04/03/3-keys-to-a-good-relationship/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eA romantic relationship can be incredibly rewarding and can serve as the foundation for a flourishing family. Here are three keys we have learned for creating a strong partnership.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 id=\"table-of-contents\"\u003eTable of Contents\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#3-keys-to-a-good-relationship\"\u003e3 Keys to a Good Relationship\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#key-1-a-good-relationship-requires-effort\"\u003eKey #1: A Good Relationship Requires Effort\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#key-2-an-open-communication-channel\"\u003eKey #2: An Open Communication Channel\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#key-3-complete-acceptance-and-unconditional-love\"\u003eKey #3: Complete Acceptance and Unconditional Love\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#final-words\"\u003eFinal Words\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA romantic relationship with another person can be incredibly rewarding. It might be one of the most important experiences we can have in life, providing a safe platform to become the best version of ourselves.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"3 Keys to a Good Relationship"},{"content":"What one can be, one must be.\n-Abraham Maslow\nThe concept of self-actualization was popularized by Abraham Maslow and can be described as the human need to achieve one\u0026rsquo;s highest potential.\nTo become all that one can be.\nTo become the best version of oneself.\nTo become extraordinary.\nMaslow described this as an inherent need in all humans. A need that far too often gets overshadowed by lower-level needs. This has often been illustrated using Maslow\u0026rsquo;s hierarchy of needs, which most people are likely familiar with. The pyramid was actually not created by Maslow himself but by a management consultant based on his work.\nIt is no wonder that the pyramid remains what most learn about in school. The pyramid is easy to understand and an attractive model.\nHowever, the pyramid has several weaknesses.\nWeaknesses that rob us of much of the value in what Maslow wrote about.\nWeaknesses that newer research has begun to address.\nResearcher and author Scott Barry Kaufman has built upon Maslow\u0026rsquo;s research on self-actualization in the context of newer findings in positive psychology in recent years.\nThe list of people who have praised the book strengthens the perception that it contains valuable information.\nBased on this newer research, Kaufman presents an improved model for self-actualization in his book \u0026ldquo;Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization\u0026rdquo;: A sailboat.\nThis model serves as inspiration for this article. It is worth noting that this article is based on my interpretation, and there may well be elements I have not captured or that could have been interpreted differently. I have also supplemented it with my own thoughts regarding the model to make it easier to understand.\nThe sailboat model has opened up a broader toolbox for me to understand how our human needs drive our behavior in various situations and phases of life.\nThe model can help us understand that challenges, setbacks, and struggles are an inevitable part of life. That they better equip us for the future and are a necessary part of the journey. The model illustrates how we are connected to other people and the power of finding meaning in what we do. It provides a framework for thinking about how we can shape our own journey.\nThe model helps us understand what stands in the way of becoming the best version of ourselves.\nLike all models, this one is also a simplification, but in my eyes, it is an extremely useful simplification.\nI hope it can be of benefit to you as well.\nWeaknesses of the Pyramid First, I would like to address the weaknesses of the pyramid I mentioned earlier.\nA Ladder with Discrete Levels The pyramid makes it easy to think that one is at a level and that one must satisfy the needs associated with that level before moving on to the next.\nHumans are more complex than that. Human development is a continuous process.\nIt is not the case that our needs can be described by a binary variable. They are either satisfied or not.\nEach person\u0026rsquo;s needs composition is unique and constantly changing.\nThe degree of satisfaction for each need can change in an instant. When it has been a while since we’ve eaten, the need for food becomes more prominent. This does not automatically prevent us from finishing the work we planned to do before lunch. To work on our need for self-esteem. To do a good job. But it can diminish our ability to focus on that need. Thoughts about what we will have for lunch start surfacing in our heads with increasing frequency. At the same time, we may suddenly begin to think about the date we have planned for the weekend.\n-\u0026ldquo;Will she like me?\u0026rdquo;\n-\u0026ldquo;What will we talk about?\u0026rdquo;\nThis view of development as a complex, \u0026ldquo;two steps forward, one back\u0026rdquo; process, in constant change, is something Maslow was clear about but that the pyramid fails to illustrate.\nAn Ego Trip? The top level of the pyramid is self-actualization. It is easy to think of self-actualization as an ego trip. That each individual\u0026rsquo;s goal is to climb to the top. For their own sake.\nTo become the best version of oneself.\nThis doesn’t say much about the relationship with others. If we instead view \u0026ldquo;the best version of oneself\u0026rdquo; as a version that contributes to positively influencing others through utilizing one’s own abilities, this becomes clearer.\nWe must become the best version of ourselves so that we can be of the greatest possible benefit to others.\nWhat is good for the bee is good for the hive.\n- Marcus Aurelius\nWe can create a wonderful upbringing for our children. We can write a book that changes the way people think.\nWe can create software that saves lives.\nWe can compose music that deeply touches others.\nWe can become extraordinary.\nFor ourselves.\nBut also for others.\nFor our family. For our friends. For our employer. For society. For humanity. For the universe.\nEvery person\u0026rsquo;s highest potential lies in contributing something meaningful to others.\nTo utilize one\u0026rsquo;s own, unique abilities for the best of the community.\nUnclear Distinction Between Deficiency and Growth Although the pyramid emphasizes a very clear distinction between levels, the distinction that is far more important is not clear. The difference between needs aimed at satisfying a deficiency.\nHow can I get a roof over my head?\nHow can I get food? How can I be loved?\nWhat can I do to feel included in a group?\nWhy am I not good enough?\nWhy am I not skilled at X?\nThese differ from growth needs. When growth needs are the focus, the questions asked change character. Focus shifts to development.\nWhat can I learn?\nWhat goals should I set?\nHow do I best prioritize my time?\nHow can I become a better X?\nWhat can I do to bring joy to others?\nHow can I create something useful for others?\nThe pyramid does not do a good enough job of highlighting the necessity of integrating both deficiencies and growth needs. Both factors are essential parts of a whole person.\nEvery journey is unique. It is full of dangers and challenges and is influenced by external conditions. Yet it is an adventure. An adventure that can offer fantastic experiences.\nAn adventure that can be enjoyed along the way. Not in spite of, but because of all the challenges and obstacles we encounter along the way.\nThe Sailboat A sailboat is a metaphor that better explains many of these weaknesses of the pyramid. A sailboat comes in infinitely many shapes and sizes. Just like us humans. A sailboat can be anything from a simple raft with a plastic bag as a sail to Statsraad Lehmkuhl in all her glory.\nStatsraad Lehmkuhl. Photo: Jesper Rosenmai\nA sailboat can be built, reinforced, and improved. It can sail around the world.\nIt has several factors that influence its sailing capabilities at any given time. Ocean currents, the boat\u0026rsquo;s condition, wind conditions, weather, crew, captain, and whether it is part of a fleet with other boats.\nIt is the interplay among all these factors that determines the boat\u0026rsquo;s capacity to sail at any given time.\nAt different points in a boat\u0026rsquo;s life, it will be natural to work on different parts to be able to sail far and safely in the future:\nOne may need to repair holes in the hull.\nOne may build the boat larger or safer.\nThe crew must be trained and aligned.\nSailing trips must be planned.\nThe sails must be set.\nUnknown dangers must be faced.\nStorms and bad weather must be tackled.\nOne has other boats to consider.\nSometimes, when the boat is solid, the crew well-trained, the captain has charted a good course, no dangers are present, weather and wind conditions are ideal, and the sails are set, the boat can sail to fantastic places. Places where none have been before. It can make discoveries that benefit the world.\nAlbert Einstein discovered the theory of relativity.\nMarie Curie discovered radioactivity.\nAlexander Fleming discovered penicillin.\nSafety So what holds us back from setting our sails?\nFrom becoming the most extraordinary version of ourselves?\nFrom realizing our potential? What enables some to create a fantastic journey both for themselves and others?\nWhat prevents some from making much progress on their voyage?\nMany struggle with building the boat and crew necessary to embark on challenging voyages.\nSecurity The challenges that can and will arise on a sailing trip are numerous.\nHigh waves. Sea monsters. Holes in the hull. Storm.\nUnder demanding conditions such as these, the desire for adventure fades. You do not care about anything other than securing the boat. Surviving the storm. You do not think about how far you will sail the next day.\nIf you are exposed to constant danger in a war-torn area, the likelihood is small that you care about education.\nWhen you are starving, food is all you can think about.\n-Viktor Frankl, \u0026ldquo;Man\u0026rsquo;s Search for Meaning\u0026rdquo;\nSecurity comes and goes on the journey. Human security also comes in the form of social security. Violent family members, a tyrannical boss, and a treacherous friend are all circumstances that can threaten our safety.\nEven though it is more difficult to set sail under conditions that affect our security, it is still possible. The weather can change in an instant. The sail can be turned around in no time.\nBelonging To be able to sail, the crew on the boat must work well together.\nIf you lack a crew with sailing competence, this will be a prerequisite for being able to sail particularly effectively.\nThe crew must also rest occasionally.\nHumans have a need for belonging. We need to feel that we are valued. Not just by our closest ones, but also in society. We need to feel that we have found our place in a group and that we contribute something positive to the group.\nWe must build a crew we can trust before we set out on demanding journeys. We must find our place in a group before we can work on development.\nSelf-esteem Before we are ready to embark on a challenging voyage, there is one more important factor we would like to have in place. A captain we believe in. A captain we trust to navigate us in the right direction. A captain who can lead us in the face of storms, sea monsters, and internal conflicts among the crew.\nYou are the captain of your ship.\nYou must build self-efficacy and self-esteem in your ability to handle all the challenges you will face.\nHow? An adept captain cannot be trained by reading books or in a simulator. The captain must try and fail. Go on some smaller voyages. Meet some small fish. Handle some rough weather. Only by doing so can the captain acquire the skills needed to embark on the most challenging voyages.\nGrowth Okay.\nWe have built a robust boat, with a skilled crew and a captain we trust. We have covered the critical necessities to embark on challenging voyages.\nWhat now?\nOnce we have all this in place, it won’t be long before the desire for adventure surfaces.\nWe feel there could be something more. We sense that we are ready to explore new areas.\nTake on greater challenges.\nWith security in place, we feel ready to set sail.\nExplore\nWe humans are naturally curious.\nCurious about everything life has to offer. Curious about how the world works.\nThere are many ways to satisfy our curiosity.\nIt might be meeting new people. Changing careers. Moving to a new place. Learning something new. Reflecting on how to do things differently.\nOpenness to experiences is one of the personality traits in the Five-Factor Model, the most widely used model in personality psychology. This personality trait is a good illustration of individual variations among us humans. A person will at a given time have a different tendency toward this personality trait. A tendency determined by genetics, upbringing, and past experiences.\nA tendency influenced by the boat\u0026rsquo;s material, history, and current condition.\nSome will feel the itch for adventure despite a leaky boat.\nIt is still possible to sail.\nBut the chance is great that one will have to take a step back and work on the vessel or crew before the next trip.\nLove\nWhat happens when we have satisfied our greatest curiosity? When we feel we have seen a bit of the world. Bl\n","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/03/31/maslow-20---an-updated-model-of-self-actualization/","summary":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eWhat one can be, one must be.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e-Abraham Maslow\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe concept of self-actualization was popularized by Abraham Maslow and can be described as the human need to achieve one\u0026rsquo;s highest potential.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTo become all that one can be.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTo become the best version of oneself.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTo become extraordinary.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMaslow described this as an inherent need in all humans. A need that far too often gets overshadowed by lower-level needs. This has often been illustrated using Maslow\u0026rsquo;s hierarchy of needs, which most people are likely familiar with. The pyramid was actually not created by Maslow himself but by a management consultant based on his work.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"Maslow 2.0 - An Updated Model of Self-Actualization"},{"content":"Happiness is a large and important topic.\nWhat Makes Us Humans Happy? What is the key to the good life?\nWhat makes life worth living?\nPerhaps these are among the greatest and most important questions that exist?\nQuestions like this have been central to philosophy for thousands of years, and certainly long before that as well. In fact, so many people have thought and written about this that it can be a bit overwhelming for many of us. It is a start to see what wise people who have lived before us have written about this.\nIt helps to look at research within positive psychology. This can give us hooks to hang our own experiences on. A starting point for exploring our own paths. A map we can use on our own journey.\nWe must only be aware that the map is poorly detailed. It may even be completely wrong. The reason is that every individual has their own unique map. We have to fill in the details ourselves. For it is undeniably true that it helps little to read without truly understanding. To go from knowledge to competence, we must do. We must fail. We must learn for ourselves.\nI have tried to immerse myself in some of what has been written about this. And it is extensive. It is complex.\nThere are infinitely many arguments, details, and nuances one can dig into. I definitely do not have the answer.\nHowever, I believe it is useful and important to talk about this. Perhaps it is some of the most important things that exist?\nIn this article, I will not try to give a map. But perhaps I can convey a useful tool that allows you to distinguish between land and sea. So many varieties of both land and sea exist.\nBut let’s start there. Like other models of reality, this one will also not be correct. But it can still be useful.\nHappiness 1 - Hedonic Well-Being According to Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman, our brains use two main systems to shape thoughts. System 1 is responsible for fast, automatic, unconscious, emotional thoughts.\nWhat is 2+2? Reading a text. Finding out which of two objects is larger. Happiness 1 can be viewed in the same way. A happiness that arises automatically based on System 1. It is feelings that emerge in the moment. It is a fleeting state that can appear quickly and disappear quickly. These are emotions that arise as a result of a biological mechanism.\nHedonic well-being can manifest in the form of:\nThe joy of eating chocolate The pleasure of a sexual experience Receiving positive attention from others The enjoyment of a three-course gourmet meal The feeling of being in love Winning on scratch cards Receiving Facebook likes Taking drugs or stimulants Seeing your favorite football team score a goal These can create good feelings. They bring us joy in the moment. Feelings like this can help us feel subjective well-being. If we have good access to delicious food, technological gadgets, money, and a little substance, it’s easy to believe we have a good life. It can be so, from a subjective perspective.\nThe problem is that this is not enough. It leaves an emptiness. A feeling that there should be more.\nThe danger is that these feelings often come with a cost. And they disappear quickly.\nIf this were all we needed, a number of questions arise. Why is there no correlation between money and happiness once you reach a certain sum? Why can people with challenging living conditions often be much happier than those who have access to far more sources of subjective well-being? Why aren’t lottery winners happy after winning a prize? Why hasn’t all technological development in recent years created a lasting increase in happiness?\nWe need something more. Subjective well-being is part of the picture, but to feel satisfied, we need a more complete form of happiness. A happiness that lasts longer. That is greater than the moments.\nA pleasure and lasting satisfaction with life as a whole. Beyond transient moments. We also need Happiness 2.\nHappiness 2 - Eudaimonic Well-Being The word eudaimonia is Greek and can be translated as \u0026ldquo;a good soul\u0026rdquo;. This is what is missing to achieve holistic happiness. Other words we can use to avoid the association with the word happiness are \u0026ldquo;flourishing\u0026rdquo; or satisfaction. It is about functioning well.\nEudaimonic well-being can come in the form of:\nWorking towards meaningful goals The feeling that you contribute something of value to others Efforts made for the joy of others Self-development Learning something new Utilizing your unique strengths To become raw is to flourish. To flourish is to become the rawest version of yourself.\nTo learn to enjoy the moments while also working to flourish. To utilize your potential. To become all you can be. To be of use to the world.\nThe Challenges At first glance, this may seem overly simplistic. Can we not just design our days so that we get a little bit of Happiness 1 and a little bit of Happiness 2—and voila, we have created a happy and deeply satisfying life? Unfortunately, it is probably not that simple. There will be several challenges along the way. Enormous challenges.\nHere are the three challenges that I consider the biggest on the path to more Happiness 2:\nYou Will Encounter Pain The first challenge is that we will encounter suffering in our lives. Suffering that we are not responsible for or have control over. In Buddhism, this is so central that it is the first of their four noble truths; Life is painful. We will experience emotions like fear, sadness, loss, and grief. If we do not handle these in a good way, negative feelings can manifest and become part of everyday life. This is dangerous. In its worst form, this can create serious mental disorders. But it is dangerous even in smaller amounts. The reason is that it steals happiness from us. We cannot experience either Happiness 1 or Happiness 2 when we have negative feelings.\nSuffering and negative emotions steal bandwidth from our brain. For every moment we experience such feelings, we miss a chance to experience good feelings.\nThe tool that has given me the key to reducing this pain and the negative feelings I’ve learned from Stoicism. The Stoics\u0026rsquo; idea of turning adversity into a positive challenge has been a game changer for me and many I know. Viewing adversity as a source of positive challenge. An opportunity to act virtuously. To love everything that happens. To understand what we can and cannot control.\nYou Must Put in Effort Achieving Happiness 2 requires effort. Lisa Straume, Ph.D. in positive psychology, calls Happiness 2 the effortful happiness. To experience this form of happiness, we must strive. It requires hard work. It requires challenging your comfort zone. It requires confronting your fears head-on. It is about battling the dragons you will encounter on your heroic journey. It is about making the most important choice of your life.\nI believe the key to this challenge is twofold;\nFind Meaning in What We Do\nThe first thing we can do is to tie our work to something larger than ourselves. To view work as meaningful, and something that contributes value to others. This makes us feel that our work is more worthwhile. It will be a significant source of Happiness 2.\nDo Useful Things We Enjoy\nWhen we do something we enjoy doing, for its own sake, we create Happiness 1. I believe we all have useful things we enjoy. Activities that can be a source of both Happiness 1 and Happiness 2. It can be any form of physical activity. It can be creative activities. It can be interaction with others. If we find such activities, and perhaps adapt them a bit, we may discover that they are beneficial. Perhaps because we become more productive ourselves. Perhaps because we give joy to others. Perhaps by creating some form of art that others find joy in. We can discover flow activities that have value for both ourselves and others.\nWe Think It Is Either/Or Many think of Happiness 1 and Happiness 2 as a dichotomy. As if you cannot have one without sacrificing the other. If we throw a wild party with all the accompanying pleasures, we place Happiness 1 before Happiness 2. We prioritize indulgence. We choose the biggest burger.\nIf instead we prioritize finishing a school assignment that same evening, and feel that we are sacrificing something important to us, we put Happiness 2 in the driver\u0026rsquo;s seat. We prioritize effort. We choose the healthy, tasteless burger.\nSo how can we maximize both Happiness 1 and Happiness 2? I have two suggestions:\nThe Golden Mean By following Aristotle’s advice to pursue the golden mean, we can achieve both Happiness 1 and 2.\nWe can be brave without being cowardly or reckless. We can be moderate without gluttony or being an ascetic. We can be ambitious without being lazy or greedy.\nWe can regularly challenge our comfort zone while understanding that some challenges require more training before they can be faced. We can live a healthy and active lifestyle while still enjoying good food now and then. We can achieve fantastic results at work while also having a good family life. We can read self-development books and still enjoy a Netflix series now and again. We can enjoy a beer with friends over Teams once in a while without drinking alcohol several days a week.\nBy following the golden mean, we appreciate indulgences even more when we allow ourselves to enjoy them. We become more sensitive to the feelings of Happiness 1 they give us.\nFind Effortful Activities We Enjoy Is it true that everything that is effortful is a chore? I do not believe it needs to be that way. I believe we all have things we like to do that are productive and have value for others. It can be handicrafts, art, writing, physical activity, or teaching others.\nBy engaging in effortful and productive endeavors that we also enjoy, we can have our cake and eat it too. We can look forward to work every day. We can love Mondays.\nWe can choose a burger that is both healthy and tasty.\nWe can become effort enjoyers.\nBut remember, to enjoy these activities, we must master them. And before mastery comes effort. It does not come without effort.\nConclusion I hope the concept of Happiness 1 and Happiness 2 can be useful for you. That you see a way forward on how to fill in the details on your own map. That you have something you wish to test out to create a little more happiness in your own life.\nFor me, this is exciting. It feels a bit like a game where you try, fail, and learn.\nExploring your own potential.\nA game where the reward can be a slightly rawer life.\nBut above all, a game that is fun to play.\nSources of Inspiration Aristotle Marcus Aurelius Seneca Abraham Maslow Martin Seligman Richard Ryan \u0026amp; Edward Deci Edward Diener Daniel Kahneman Tal Ben-Shahar Scott Barry Kaufmann Joar Vittersø Handbook of Eudaimonic Well-Being Happiness is Not Just Being Content We Must Take Happiness More Seriously Jakob Sverre Løvstad, The Existentialism of Happiness Lisa Straume Doctor of Positivity: — Well-Being Is Not Enough. You Need a Bit of Effortful Happiness Too Job Satisfaction is Effortful Happiness happiness eudaimonia hedonism effort enjoyment effort enjoyer Happiness ","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/03/24/what-is-true-happiness/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eHappiness is a large and important topic.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003ch2 id=\"what-makes-us-humans-happy\"\u003eWhat Makes Us Humans Happy?\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhat is the key to the good life?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhat makes life worth living?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerhaps these are among the greatest and most important questions that exist?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eQuestions like this have been central to philosophy for thousands of years, and certainly long before that as well. In fact, so many people have thought and written about this that it can be a bit overwhelming for many of us. It is a start to see what wise people who have lived before us have written about this.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"What is True Happiness?"},{"content":"A personal account of a midnight house fire, and reflections on how to manage such a situation to minimize mental pain.\nContext 🔥 ST Newspaper, March 22\nAround midnight on the night of Monday, March 22, I was deep in dreamland. Gradually, I noticed that my dream was increasingly about campfires and grilling. Eventually, I woke up a bit and noticed that the smell of smoke was still there.\nHad some neighbors lit a fire pit or something? The smell didn\u0026rsquo;t go away, so finally, I left dreamland completely, aiming to investigate where the smell was coming from. I quickly realized that there was danger at hand. There was smoke in the room where I was lying, which is between the room where my wife and our youngest daughter and our 1.5-year-old son were sleeping. I was in the guest room sometimes to avoid being woken up by a hungry baby and breastfeeding. I really didn\u0026rsquo;t have much to contribute on that front.\nI opened the window to see if I could see anything outside.\nSuddenly, smoke poured in through the window. Shit! I need to get out. I ran to wake my wife and told her there was a fire. Within 2 seconds, she was up with our youngest in her arms. I ran to get the 1.5-year-old, who was at the back of the house, and dragged him along with me. He was sleeping like a rock, totally unaware of what was happening, and understandably shocked to be picked up in that way. On our way out of the house (to the exit), we ran past our 5-year-old, who was quick on his feet, as always. Meanwhile, the smoke alarms were going off. Three smoke alarms started producing an intense, rhythmic alarm simultaneously, but asynchronously.\nWe ran together towards the exit through our workout room on the opposite side of the house from the bedrooms. At the same time, I dialed 110, and I thought it was good I had memorized the emergency numbers with my 5-year-old.\nI explained the situation to the operator, who was clear and concise, and got an overview of the situation. They asked me to run around the house outside to gather more information. When I came around to the back in nothing but boxers, I saw that the room below our bedrooms in our basement apartment was filled with smoke, and thick smoke was seeping up along the wall. Back in the workout room with the rest of my family, my wife had gone into the living room (which still wasn\u0026rsquo;t filled with smoke) and grabbed blankets to wrap around the boys.\nThey were still shivering. Probably due to a mix of cold and fear.\nI managed to find a Swix shirt that was lying in the living room.\nThen it hit me; our cat, Milo, was indoors. I took the shirt over my mouth and quickly ran back into the bathroom, where the cat was lying on the changing table in the warmth, enjoying himself. I picked him up under my arm and brought him to our meeting point. I was still on the line with 110. Now they could inform me that the fire department was on its way. Shortly after, I saw the flashing blue lights a little ways down the street. It couldn\u0026rsquo;t have been more than 4-5 minutes since I called. Incredible!\nI stood in the street to signal our location and led the red pickup with flashing blue lights into the driveway in front of our basement apartment and explained everything I knew.\nNot long after, the whole street was filled with emergency vehicles. Ambulances, police, and fire trucks. Now the fire truck had also arrived and started setting up. All the emergency vehicles were producing an unreal mix of flashing lights. Our calm street was suddenly not so calm anymore. The kids\u0026rsquo; eyes were wide. Both boys have always been super interested in all kinds of emergency vehicles. Fireman Sam is their hero. Suddenly, there\u0026rsquo;s a whole parade of these vehicles in our driveway. The boys and I were taken inside the ambulance, where they measured our blood oxygen saturation. I had played around with a sensor that measures this at work and knew I should be around 100. I had a clip put around my finger and the number slowly but surely rose to 100. My pulse was at 53. Good. The boys also had completely normal values. The 5-year-old had a pulse above 120, but given the situation, that couldn\u0026rsquo;t be said to be abnormal.\nAt this point, neighbors had understandably woken up and offered us to come inside to warm up. How incredibly kind of them. One of their kids goes to the same kindergarten as ours. The man of the house wasn’t feeling well after just getting the Covid vaccine. Still, we were invited in, and they served us both food and drink and dressed us in borrowed clothes. The kids settled down on the floor in some blankets and watched a bit of kids\u0026rsquo; TV on Mom\u0026rsquo;s phone.\nTime passed, and I got in touch with the incident commander from the police. I got in the car and explained the situation. I started making some hypotheses about what could have caused the fire. We were in the middle of renovation in the basement. Most of the electrical system had been disconnected due to the renovation work. I had an inspection by electricians last week and had ordered a complete renovation of the electrical system. Earlier that day, we had a family over for a viewing. They had 5-year-old twins running around like 5-year-olds do. Were they close to a panel heater? I wasn’t sure. I shared what I knew.\nEventually, we understood that we needed to check into a hotel, and we made our way to Bårdshaug Manor in Orkanger. There we were accommodated and gathered in blankets and beds before we eventually fell asleep once again.\nSafe.\nTogether.\nAftermath This article was not meant to merely describe the situation. That I could have written about on Facebook. The point of writing an article about this is that I want to reflect on how we can handle this situation in the best possible way. Sudden, dramatic events like this can shake even the most stable person. It can be a breeding ground for PTSD. I wish to write a bit about how our family can manage this best to minimize our own pain. And I\u0026rsquo;m not talking about physical pain, but mental pain. The pain that is too easy to inflict upon ourselves.\nLove What Happens 💓 Thomas Edison’s lab burned down. That was his life\u0026rsquo;s work. All his inventions and notes were there.\nHow did he react?\nHe asked his wife to bring the kids to admire the fire.\n-\u0026ldquo;You will never see a fire like this again.\u0026rdquo;\nIt has only been a few days since I published the article \u0026ldquo;Love What Happens.\u0026rdquo; Here I truly have an opportunity to practice loving a challenging situation. A fire that could have claimed lives. A house that is uninhabitable. Most likely for several weeks. Until after Easter. A basement apartment in which we’ve invested a lot of money renovating. A feeling that I could have done more to prevent the fire. An impulse to place blame on someone.\nBut I will manage to love it. We will manage to turn this into a positive situation. This is fantastic training. If we get through this, we can get through anything.\nGratitude 🙏 The first thing we can do to turn the situation around is to take the opportunity to find gratitude for things we might usually take for granted or have not been conscious of. Here we’ve created a long list:\nFor the fact that everyone is safe. This is the most important thing of all. For the great and wonderful family home we initially own. For the fire department that reacted incredibly quickly and did a great job. This provides security. For police and ambulance personnel, who also showed the same professionalism. For our welfare society, which ensures that we have such services available to everyone. For our kind neighbors who offered us food and shelter in the middle of the night. For having a hotel nearby that could take us in at night. Additionally, a family room. For all the care and concern we have received from family, colleagues, and friends. This has been overwhelming. Messages have poured in from people offering to help in any way they can. Relief at work, moving things, cooking, laundry, taking kids to kindergarten and activities, housing, and even offers of a camping trailer. I am truly touched by the kindness people have shown. 🙏😊 For having home and contents insurance. For the opportunity to train on a challenging situation as a family. For being able to use the situation to learn. Learn how we handle challenges and adversity. So we can become more resilient. Guilt and Responsibility 😠 It is incredibly tempting to spin further on all the hypotheses about what may have happened. It is natural for us humans. We want to understand what has happened. It gives us a logical explanation, and perhaps someone to place blame upon.\nWhat good can come from this?\nThere may have been numerous people who did something that contributed to starting the fire. As the man of the house, however, I feel that the ultimate responsibility lies with me. I should have been even more vigilant and careful about fire safety in the basement apartment. Yet I will not blame myself for this. I did my best based on my knowledge and experiences at the time. But I will learn from this. I will use the lessons to improve. I will invest in a slightly more advanced fire alarm system. I will become vigilant.\nI will become the family’s fire inspector!\nThoroughness brings safety. -Slogan of NORSOF (Norwegian Special Operations Forces)\nBy attempting to lay blame on others, I would have cultivated bitterness.\nWhat good can come from that?\nBy placing blame on myself, I would have sown the seeds of self-loathing. That certainly is not productive.\nI take full responsibility for what happened and will learn from it. But I will not beat myself up beyond that. That would do no good for anyone.\nAnother angle we could have taken would be to see the incident as unjust. To view it as punishment from the universe.\nTo think, \u0026ldquo;Why did this have to happen to us?\u0026rdquo; This is also not particularly useful. Shit happens.\nThings happen to everyone. Some more than others. That’s just the way the world is.\nIn the grand scheme of things, it is not what happens to us that impacts how we feel. It is how we handle what happens to us. By shifting the focus away from what and why things happen to us to what we do about it, we take back responsibility. We find a useful way forward.\nAnti-Fragility 🦸‍♂️🦸‍♀️ By feeling gratitude and avoiding blame and contempt, we’re well on our way. Gratitude is a good feeling. By increasing it, we feel better. Contempt is a bad feeling. By minimizing it, we avoid feeling worse.\nThat’s all well and good. But can we take this even further? Can we turn this incident into something positive?\nCan we be the strong flame that grows stronger in the wind?\nI believe so.\nThe day after the fire, we took the opportunity to enjoy time together as a family. We talked about what happened. All that we have to be grateful for. We ordered takeaway pizza for dinner (that doesn’t happen often 😛). We bought some new books for the kids and read them on the hotel bed. We brought the mini-SNES. We ran and played in the hotel corridors. We brought workout gear to the hotel room and have beautiful, new surroundings to walk in. We were served a fantastic hotel breakfast that we could enjoy together. My wife doesn’t have to do housework.\nWe can turn this into a positive experience. An opportunity to see that we can flourish regardless of our surroundings. This strengthens our sense of mastery as a family. We become stronger. Safer. Better equipped to handle whatever may come our way.\nBecause adversity is inevitable. What matters is what we do with it.\nConclusion It was good for me to put these thoughts into words. Hopefully, some of these reflections can be useful for others. Perhaps you are experiencing a challenging situation, now or in the future. How will you handle it?\nWill you let it weigh you down?\nOr will you use it to become stronger? 💪🔥\n","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/03/23/how-to-handle-a-house-fire/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eA personal account of a midnight house fire, and reflections on how to manage such a situation to minimize mental pain.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 id=\"context-\"\u003eContext 🔥\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eST Newspaper, March 22\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAround midnight on the night of Monday, March 22, I was deep in dreamland. Gradually, I noticed that my dream was increasingly about campfires and grilling. Eventually, I woke up a bit and noticed that the smell of smoke was still there.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHad some neighbors lit a fire pit or something?\nThe smell didn\u0026rsquo;t go away, so finally, I left dreamland completely, aiming to investigate where the smell was coming from. I quickly realized that there was danger at hand. There was smoke in the room where I was lying, which is between the room where my wife and our youngest daughter and our 1.5-year-old son were sleeping. I was in the guest room sometimes to avoid being woken up by a hungry baby and breastfeeding. I really didn\u0026rsquo;t have much to contribute on that front.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"How to Handle a House Fire"},{"content":"This is the third and final part of the article series \u0026ldquo;Create Your Dream Job.\u0026rdquo;\nIn part 1, I showed you some exercises aimed at increasing your self-awareness to explore opportunities that align with your unique strengths and preferences.\nIn part 2, you conducted a creative exercise intended to kick-start the thought process regarding how different versions of your future might look.\nIn this final part, we will explore how to take the various scenarios you developed in part 2 forward. It’s time to move from words to action. Nothing happens by itself.\nFirst, you can pull out the 3 life plans you created in part 2. Now it\u0026rsquo;s time to evaluate these.\nEvaluate the Life Plans It’s useful to divide this into 4 factors that can be evaluated individually.\nThe 4 Factors You Can Use to Evaluate Your Alternative Life Plans Each factor is explained further below:\nResources\nTime: Do you have the time required to do this? Money: Do you have the capital needed to do this? Career Capital: Do you have the skills and experience needed to do this? Skills: Do you possess the skills required to do this? Like Factor\nHow much do I like this life plan?\nConfidence\nHow confident am I that I can achieve this?\nAlignment\nHow well does the plan align with my values?\nFeel free to adjust the life plan if you find in your evaluation that there are aspects of the plan that can change to improve the score on one or more factors.\nRanking After you have evaluated your life plans against these factors, the next step is to rank the life plans against each other to determine which of the life plans you can start exploring.\nSpecify a Prototype Now it’s time to explore the life plans in a bit more depth. The goal is for you to gain even better insight into whether what you believe about the life plan is indeed accurate.\nExamples of activities that can be part of a prototype include:\nReading a book on the subject Taking an online course Interviewing someone with experience in the area Creating a plan for daily practice Developing a \u0026ldquo;reading list\u0026rdquo; for an extended period Execute and Repeat After prototyping, it’s time to sit down and reflect.\nA Few Final Words I hope this article series has provided you with a framework to create your dream job. If you enjoy reading and want a deeper insight into the process on which much of the article series is based, I highly recommend the book \u0026ldquo;Designing Your Life.\u0026rdquo;\nI wish you the best of luck on the exciting journey to create your dream job!\n⭐🚀🙏💓\n","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/03/20/create-your-dream-job---part-3-test-your-ideas/","summary":"In the final part of the article series ’Create Your Dream Job,’ we look at how you can take the various scenarios you came up with in part 2 forward and move from words to action.","title":"Create Your Dream Job - Part 3: Test Your Ideas"},{"content":"Worry is one of humanity\u0026rsquo;s greatest mental challenges. Learn how to free up mental bandwidth and eliminate unnecessary worries.\nTable of Contents How to Get Rid of Worries The Difference Lies in the Mind Worry Analysis Practice What You Fear Eliminate Two Major Categories Get Started Sources of Inspiration Worry is one of humanity’s greatest mental challenges. Our brains are equipped with a mechanism that is primarily meant to help us. By worrying about how we would survive the winter, we learned to gather and preserve food. By worrying about how we would protect ourselves from the weather and predators, we gathered in groups and learned to build shelters that could provide us with refuge.\nThe challenges you face in everyday life in Norway today are not of the same nature. Thankfully, not many need to worry about whether they have a roof over their heads or enough food to survive.\nThus, your brain finds other sources of worry:\nWill the project at work be a failure? What will your friends think of your new jacket? Will your child make enough friends at school? How many likes will I get on the Insta selfie I posted? Will my boss criticize me for not delivering that report? Will it snow tonight, requiring me to shovel snow before work tomorrow? What would happen if I had pursued that exciting business idea? These are worries that are not as useful for our survival as in times past. They can be a major source of suffering for many. If worries are numerous or strong, they can lead to depression and anxiety.\nWorries consume mental bandwidth that reduces your ability to develop as a person, be creative, and become the best version of yourself.\nIn this article, I will show you an exercise that will help you free up this mental bandwidth. An exercise that will remove unnecessary sources of worry.\nThe Difference Lies in the Mind First, we must clarify an important point; the root of worry lies not in our circumstances, but in how we think about those circumstances.\n\u0026ldquo;What really frightens and dismays us is not external events themselves, but the way in which we think about them. It is not things that disturb us, but our interpretation of their significance.\u0026rdquo;\nEpictetus The difference between having a good day and a bad day can be as small as a worry that magnifies itself. People can be happy and carefree in environments and circumstances far \u0026ldquo;worse\u0026rdquo; than what we experience in Norway today.\nThe mind is wondrous. It can create heaven out of hell, and hell out of heaven.\n\u0026ldquo;It can create heaven out of hell, and hell out of heaven.\u0026rdquo;\nJohn Milton This is a cause for optimism. If you can learn to control how you think about your worries, you can take away their power.\nWorry Analysis The goal of worry analysis is to change the automatic way you think when a fear of a future outcome arises. A prerequisite for this is to realize that you have indeed worried. This is not easy. It means thinking about what you are thinking. It requires stepping back between stimulus and response. It is about being the observer of your own thoughts. It may be one of the most important skills you can learn.\nThe first step is to reflect on worries after they have arisen. Each time you feel you have had a mentally exhausting day, I encourage you to take out your journal and ask yourself the following question:\n\u0026ldquo;What have I worried about today?\u0026rdquo;\nBy putting your thoughts on paper, you have come a long way. Then you can begin to analyze the worry.\nThe next question is to rationally assess the root of the worry by asking yourself:\n\u0026ldquo;What is the worst that could happen?\u0026rdquo;\nMost worries stem from fear of something that is really not worth being afraid of.\nLet’s use the worry \u0026ldquo;The project at work fails\u0026rdquo; as an example.\nWhat is the worst that could happen? Is it likely that you would be blamed or punished if the project fails? If that is the case, would you possibly get fired? If you were fired, what would be the ultimate consequence of that? Would you be able to afford food on the table and a roof over your head? Would you have to give up certain parts of your current lifestyle? Would it really be that bad?\nAnother example:\n\u0026ldquo;I won\u0026rsquo;t get enough positive feedback on my Insta selfie.\u0026rdquo;\nWhat is the actual motivation behind the need for external validation? Is it really so important to me what others think about a picture? Am I not a good person regardless of whether a group of people who happen to follow me on a social media platform chooses to press a heart on your picture? Do you have \u0026ldquo;real\u0026rdquo; friends who like you for who you are irrespective of the number of likes?\nSome worries stem from fear of significant, real consequences that are worth considering measures to reduce the risk of. Others you can \u0026ldquo;debunk\u0026rdquo; right here, by recognizing that the worst that can happen is actually not that bad. Perhaps it is even a \u0026ldquo;blessing in disguise\u0026rdquo;?\nFor the consequences you have discovered that you wish to reduce the risk of, the next step is to ask yourself:\n\u0026ldquo;What can I do about it?\u0026rdquo;\nFor the project at work, it could be:\nIdentify and analyze risks that may cause the project not to succeed. Write down what you/your team can do to mitigate these. Share the worry and risk analysis with the rest of the team or your manager. Create a shared understanding of what measures are realistic for you to take within the project scope. Develop a plan to implement the measures. If you have done this, I’m sure that the worries about both the project failing and getting fired would disappear. (If not, perhaps another job might be worth considering anyway..?)\nOver time, you will also become able to do this analysis in real-time and quell worries before they manifest in your mind.\nPractice What You Fear After you have learned to analyze the sources of worries after they arise, it’s time to take it to the next level.\nMichael Phelps is the most decorated swimmer of all time. His coach would sometimes construct challenges for him during training to enable him to handle unforeseen situations. One such situation was training with broken goggles. This proved to yield great returns. During the Olympic final in the 200m butterfly in Beijing in 2008, exactly what they had trained for happened; the goggles broke and filled with water. Because Phelps had trained specifically for this, he was able to win despite the broken goggles.\nBy practicing unforeseen challenges, you become better equipped to handle them if they arise. The amazing thing is that you simultaneously eliminate the source of worry. By practicing it beforehand, you create confidence that you will be able to handle whatever may come up.\nThis exercise has its roots in Stoicism, with Seneca as a valuable source. The Stoics called this exercise premeditatio malorum, and it consists of visualizing the worst possible outcomes that could happen in the future.\n\u0026ldquo;Rehearse them in your mind: exile, torture, war, shipwreck. The man who has anticipated the coming of troubles takes away their power when they arrive.\u0026rdquo;\nSeneca This may sound distant, and a natural counterargument against such an exercise would be that it’s just superstitious. On the contrary, by mentally preparing yourself for challenging events, you can analyze your response and craft an internal plan for how you would handle the situation.\nEliminate Two Major Categories There are some worries that many of us share in today’s society. Many of them stem from two things:\nWorry about how other people perceive us. Worry about not being able to maintain a certain lifestyle. None of this is something you can directly control. These two groups of worry sources can be beneficial to practice eliminating once and for all. Let’s start with the first.\nWorrying About How Others Perceive Us If someone tries to control our bodies, it’s astonishing how wrong that feels. But what about our minds?\nWhy is it so easy to relinquish control over our thoughts by caring so much about what others think of us?\nThe root likely lies in the evolution of our brains and the need to be liked by others to have a tribe to belong to. Today, the \u0026ldquo;tribe concept\u0026rdquo; is globalized, and this function is not as useful for us anymore.\nWe are not served by caring so incredibly much about what people think of us. It can be constructive to ask for feedback from someone you trust with shared values. Beyond that, we are better served by giving a bit less f***.\n\u0026ldquo;It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.\u0026rdquo;\nMarcus Aurelius Here are some tips for good exercises:\nPost an unfiltered selfie on Instagram. Wear old clothes you haven\u0026rsquo;t used in a while. Write a post on social media about something you are passionate about but haven\u0026rsquo;t dared to say out of fear of others\u0026rsquo; responses. Say no to requests for things you really don’t want to do. This will help you realize that your mission is not to please everyone else. You must be yourself and find your own path.\nYou must throw off the mask. The most important affirmation you actually need comes from yourself.\nWorrying About Lifestyle This worry probably partly stems from the first. I also believe it is rooted in our natural resistance to change. It is this fear that causes many of us to get stuck in jobs we do not love. We take out loans to buy houses, cars, and cabins. We become accustomed to buying fashionable clothes and gadgets. We purchase luxury food. We become dependent on a steady income every month. We get trapped.\nThe paradox here is that the quality of life is not significantly affected by the size of our house or how expensive a car we drive. The Louis Vuitton bag does not provide lasting joy.\nYou can discover this for yourself by practicing a more frugal lifestyle. Here are some tips for good exercises:\nAct as if your car will not start. Pretend your kids are being difficult in the morning. Pretend you have no electricity. Sleep outdoors. Try living frugally for a certain period. Buy clothes from a thrift store, and wear them to work. I bet you will quickly realize that this gives you an inner confidence that your lifestyle is not the source of lasting happiness.\nGet Started To rid yourself of worries, a certain effort is required. Here are the practical exercises you can do. Take out your journal and get started.\nWorry Analysis Establish a routine for reflecting on sources of worries you experience throughout the day. Analyze these using the following two questions:\nWhat is the worst that could happen? What can I do about it? Practice What You Fear Think about potential challenges you may encounter in the near or distant future. Analyze these in the same way as in point 1. The exercises from the previous section can be a great starting point.\nBy practicing this regularly, you will be able to rid yourself of a load of worries. You will free up mental bandwidth to become a stronger version of yourself. You will create an inner peace that no events or people can take away from you.\nSources of Inspiration Dale Carnegie, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living Seneca, Letters from a Stoic Nassim Taleb, Antifragile Tim Ferriss, Fear-Setting Richard Meadows, Optionality ","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/03/16/how-to-get-rid-of-worries/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eWorry is one of humanity\u0026rsquo;s greatest mental challenges. Learn how to free up mental bandwidth and eliminate unnecessary worries.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 id=\"table-of-contents\"\u003eTable of Contents\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#how-to-get-rid-of-worries\"\u003eHow to Get Rid of Worries\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#the-difference-lies-in-the-mind\"\u003eThe Difference Lies in the Mind\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#worry-analysis\"\u003eWorry Analysis\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#practice-what-you-fear\"\u003ePractice What You Fear\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#eliminate-two-major-categories\"\u003eEliminate Two Major Categories\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#get-started\"\u003eGet Started\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#sources-of-inspiration\"\u003eSources of Inspiration\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWorry is one of humanity’s greatest mental challenges. Our brains are equipped with a mechanism that is primarily meant to help us. By worrying about how we would survive the winter, we learned to gather and preserve food. By worrying about how we would protect ourselves from the weather and predators, we gathered in groups and learned to build shelters that could provide us with refuge.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"How to Get Rid of Worries"},{"content":"In this part, you will use the insights about yourself to generate a plethora of ideas for possible things you could work on.\nIntroduction The first part of this article series can be found here.\nThere you will find exercises to get to know yourself and your strengths better.\nIn this part, you will utilize this self-insight to generate a multitude of ideas for possible things you can work on.\nIt\u0026rsquo;s important to be in a creative mode here. Remove distractions, close other programs on your computer. Ideally, print out the article and worksheets, and sit somewhere you don\u0026rsquo;t usually work. Changing your environment can make it easier to think outside the box.\nThe more ideas you can generate, the better the possible alternatives you will eventually get to test out.\nMindmapping Now comes the exciting part.\nYou will begin to connect what you have learned about yourself to discover new areas that may be interesting to consider further for a possible career (or leisure activities). Mindmapping is a useful tool for this. It allows you to be creative and think outside the box. It’s crucial to think that nothing is too silly. In this step, the most important thing is to generate many ideas without being critical of them at first. That will come later.\nIt can be helpful to remember that we all have an infinite number of parallel lives we could live, and be happy and fulfilled in. By generating many ideas here, you will have a better decision-making basis to consider, leading to better \u0026ldquo;possible\u0026rdquo; scenarios for your life.\nBelow is an example of a mind map.\nAn example mind map from the book \u0026ldquo;Designing Your Life\u0026rdquo;.\nTask Below are the steps you can follow to create your own mind maps.\nGather some blank sheets of paper and prepare yourself. Use the insights from previous activities. Start by looking at the activities that give you the most energy. Are there any common themes here? In the above example, the core idea is outdoor activities. Other alternatives could be: teaching something, creative arts, writing, or social gatherings. Choose one common theme. This becomes your first core idea. (Level 1) Write Down Associations The next step is to write down 5 words that you associate with the core idea. Here, it can be helpful to have a partner read the core idea aloud, and you must respond with the first 5 words that come to your mind. An example is: Core idea: Outdoor activity Associations: Camping, hiking, hunting, cross-country skiing, kayaking.\nMore Associations Repeat step 2 for all core ideas, then for the words you associated with the core ideas (Level 2). Then you can repeat the process for the words at level 3.\nIdentify Connections See if you can find any connections between the words at levels 3 and 4. Circle ideas that come to mind. For our example, some ideas from this mind map could be:\nWorking part-time at a youth scout camp Starting your own pirate surf camp in Hawaii Applying for a job at a bicycle workshop in a mountain village Generate Ideas Try to come up with at least 3 ideas for things you can do based on the mind map. It may be helpful to set a time limit to force yourself to think quickly and put aside your inner critic.\nRepeat Next, you can go back to step 1 and do the same with a new core idea. First, choose a core idea based on the activities that engage you the most. Then, you can repeat this process with a core idea based on one or more of your signature strengths. You will eventually have created 3 different mind maps.\nNow, you hopefully have a list of at least 9 ideas for things you can do. The useful thing here is that you have initiated a creative process that will most likely yield more related ideas over time. Do not expect that the best ideas will be those you come up with after just a short hour of focused thinking on this.\nThe next thing you need to do is to translate the loose ideas you have generated into something more tangible.\nLife Plans This step is really fun.\nNow you will refine these ideas further into something you can test out. You will use what you have learned about which activities you enjoy most, your character strengths, and the ideas you generated to design life plans.\nA life plan involves not just a job but also hobbies and other activities you can incorporate into your plan for enhanced quality of life and well-being.\nFive years is a useful time perspective for a life plan. Two years is a bit too short-term to achieve significant changes, while in a seven-year perspective, the uncertainty about what will happen is too great. Values will likely also change. There seems to be a pattern in that many people live their lives in 2-4 year chunks with different focus areas and values.\nIt helps a lot to visualize the life plan as a graphical timeline. Useful things to include on the timeline are, of course, career development, but also possible other events you can foresee. These might include relationship/family-related events such as getting married, having children, or buying a house. It could also include leisure activities you foresee doing, such as running a marathon, taking dance lessons, learning to play the guitar, or trips you want to take.\nIn 2016, I basically started from scratch career-wise. After working for four years as a gym manager, publishing a book on fitness, and starting a healthy restaurant with my wife (which we had just declared bankrupt), the situation was not very bright. Initially, I thought I would have no problem applying for and getting a job in something telecom/data-related given my engineering education and several years of experience from the military.\nI was thoroughly wrong.\nAfter applying for over 30 positions, with two interviews and no job offers as a result, it was time to think anew. I instead needed to put in the upfront effort. I had to acquire valuable skills and create my dream job instead of just applying for what came up.\nBelow is an example of how one of my life plans looked in 2016.\nIt is incredible how much has come to fruition.\nI spent 4-6 months taking courses, studying, and coding practical projects to demonstrate that I had valuable skills in Data Science. I used these to secure an internship as a Data Science consultant. During this time, I received support from NAV for 6 months, which I used to prove that I was a valuable employee, with much to contribute to the company. It went exactly as planned. But it required effort.\nTask Print out this sheet and create 3 life plans. Use images and drawings! (Or cheat by using the computer like me). Think about both the big and small aspects of life.\nWhere do you want to live? What can you make a living from? What lifestyle do you want?\nTitle Create a catchy title that describes your life plan. 6 words is just right to include some adjectives and describe both the profession and its connection to the rest of life.\nQuestions Write down the questions that arise related to this life plan. Are there essential resources that are lacking? Are there major factors you cannot control? Is the risk high? This will activate your brain to think actively about possible answers and solutions to challenges that arise in light of the questions.\nThe Way Forward In the third and final part of this article series, which will be released in a week, we will look closely at evaluating the life plans and come up with some concrete steps you can take further towards creating your dream job.\nStay tuned!\n","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/03/13/create-your-dream-job---part-2-generate-ideas/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eIn this part, you will use the insights about yourself to generate a plethora of ideas for possible things you could work on.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 id=\"introduction\"\u003eIntroduction\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe first part of this article series can be found here.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThere you will find exercises to get to know yourself and your strengths better.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIn this part, you will utilize this self-insight to generate a multitude of ideas for possible things you can work on.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"Create Your Dream Job - Part 2: Generate Ideas"},{"content":"An introduction to the experience of flow based on personal experiences and how it can contribute to a good life.\nHave You Ever Experienced Being Totally Engrossed in an Activity? So engrossed that you forgot the time. Forgot to eat. Maybe even forgot that you had to go to the bathroom.\nChances are high that you have experienced flow (the term in English).\nFlow is a nearly magical state where you are fully present in the current moment.\nMany of what we consider the highlights of life occur in situations where one experiences flow.\nThe experience of flow stems from a unique cocktail of neurotransmitters that have a transformative effect on your brain and lead to an altered state of mind.\nBy experiencing flow, you can do things you didn\u0026rsquo;t think were possible.\nYou can learn things faster, be more creative, and perform better.\nPerhaps most importantly:\nThe experience of flow is one of the strongest explanatory variables for a good life.\nMihalyi Csikszentmihalyi, \u0026ldquo;Creativity\u0026rdquo; The effect of experiencing flow regularly is enormous.\nIt turns you into a more authentic version of yourself.\nOnly 20% of Norway\u0026rsquo;s population reported in the Quality of Life in Norway (2020) survey that they are very often engaged in what they do.\nIn this article, I will attempt to provide an introduction to the experience of flow based on my own experiences. I hope it can be useful for identifying opportunities for you to create more flow in your own life.\nWhat Flow Looks Like Flow enables performances that seem impossible to many.\nIt is important to be aware that the state of flow is a spectrum, like most other things related to our biology.\nDopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins, and norepinephrine are the neurotransmitters behind the experience. We all have different predispositions and situations that can trigger these to varying degrees. Part of this seems to be genetic, but a larger portion can also be developed and influenced through training.\nLet\u0026rsquo;s take a look at some typical flow situations, where I will use my own experiences for illustration.\nIn Extreme Situations I was on a winter holiday in Åre with my family when I was 10-11 years old. I was snowblading and had eventually reached a level where I could do some tricks. Sliding a bit on rails and jumping whenever the opportunities appeared. I still remember one of the trips from that winter holiday. I chose a black slope (quite steep) and took detours off-piste. There was a series of intense jumps. It was too steep and too much snow to slow down, so the only way was downwards. I landed all the jumps and even added some slides on branches that were in my path down. When I reached the bottom, the first thing I thought was that this should have been filmed. After a while, there were fewer trips with snowblades, and I have never come close to a trip like that one.\nI still get nostalgic when I think about that snowblading trip in Åre.\nFlow.\nFlow in its most extreme form is easy to recognize:\nThe snowboarder doing tricks that are beyond our comprehension. The climber who scales ridiculous routes without safety. The rallycross driver maneuvering the car elegantly through a challenging chicane. The strongman lifting superhuman objects. In Social, Stimulating Situations I am a quite introverted person by nature. This natural tendency tends to fade away after a bit of alcohol. About 10-12 years ago, I went on a boys\u0026rsquo; trip to Prague. Alcohol was flowing freely, and a limousine with strippers picked us up at the airport. (Yeah, values have changed a bit since then). One of the evenings we went out to a large club near Charles Bridge. We had bought absinthe, and I must admit I don\u0026rsquo;t remember everything from that particular evening.\nOne thing I do remember is the experience inside the club.\nThere were lots of people, lights, and loud techno music. I \u0026ldquo;danced\u0026rdquo; completely uninhibited (and without much clothing).\nThe club had multiple floors, and it turned out it was possible (though not particularly safe) to climb between these floors. I did that repeatedly. I swung around like a monkey above the dance floor and between the floors.\nI felt one with everyone on the dance floor.\nI sensed that everyone saw the same as I did. I was the King of Karlovy Lázne.\nEcstasy.\nFlow.\nOther examples of flow in social, stimulating situations are:\nThe group of friends dancing wildly to an Alan Walker song at Tomorrowland. The homemaker who loves to laugh and speak loudly at a gathering. The project team at work that has collectively generated a bunch of creative solutions to a complex problem on the whiteboard. In Calm, Focused Situations In 2016, I \u0026ldquo;rediscovered\u0026rdquo; an interest in programming, particularly machine learning. I had utilized flow for about six months to reach a level where I managed to secure an internship to work with this. Later in 2017, I signed up for a competition with two online qualifying rounds.\nThe competition consisted of a combination of multiple choice and practical tasks based on datasets. We had four hours available. I was set with noise-canceling headphones, focus music, coffee, and my fingers ready to hammer away at the keyboard. The hours flew by, and I managed to complete a task where I used a database of global news events (GDELT) to perform sentiment analysis on events in Afghanistan, then linking these to a time series and some related features, and created an LSTM model to predict unrest in the country.\nAfter I submitted my answer, I still remember that I grabbed a few bites of the pizza that had been untouched in those four hours on my way home. I thought to myself; \u0026ldquo;What the hell just happened?\u0026rdquo; I had done something I didn\u0026rsquo;t know I was capable of. Time had vanished. I had forgotten to eat the pizza waiting for me, even though I was hungry.\nA few weeks later, I received a message that I had qualified for the finals in the competition and got sponsored travel to the USA to compete against a bunch of extreme Data Scientists, most of whom had at least five more years of experience than I did in the field.\nI am still surprised by what I accomplished in those four hours.\nFlow.\nMore examples of flow in calm, focused situations are:\nThe researcher compiling their findings into new, valuable insights. The author who has written a fantastic chapter he can barely remember writing. The Zen monk meditating in a temple garden. In Physically Demanding Situations At the school I attended in the military, we marched every year with skis. It was conducted as a competition over 30 km in the fantastic Olympic trails around Birkebeineren ski stadium in Lillehammer.\nOf course, we skied on military wooden skis (NATO-planks). Many in the school had a background in endurance sports at quite a high level, and there were well over 100 students in addition to officers and other staff at the base. I never really stood out in pure endurance competitions. One winter day in 2007, that was about to change. It was relatively cold from the morning, but the sun warmed up a bit as the day progressed. After I passed the 20 km mark, it was as if I woke up. I got good glide on the wooden skis and started closing the gap behind those ahead of me with every pole push. I am sure I passed 20-30 of my classmates in the last mile.\nI didn\u0026rsquo;t notice that I was tired. The rhythm of the pushing was constant and rhythmic.\nEverything was focused on one thing; closing in on the next person I was about to pass. It was as if all other thoughts, except for my next pole push and the runner in front of me, vanished.\nI ended up in 11th place. One of my classmates wondered how the hell I had managed that. I wasn\u0026rsquo;t in such great shape.\nA performance far above anything I had demonstrated in similar competitions before.\nBut even more importantly was the feeling.\nThe feeling of love. Love for nature and those around me.\nFlow.\nMore examples of flow in physically demanding situations are:\nThe Norseman participant who gets a \u0026ldquo;second wind\u0026rdquo;. The ultrarunner experiencing an extreme \u0026ldquo;runner\u0026rsquo;s high\u0026rdquo;. The skier who has their life\u0026rsquo;s run. The soldiers completing challenging obstacle courses together during Hell Week. The strongman competitors who cheer each other on and form close bonds, even though they are technically rivals. Flow Factors Environment Flow seems to occur most often in a sensory-rich environment. Nature is the best example. Music and technology can be stimulating factors. Other people can be as well. When a group of people experiences flow together, we call it group flow. I believe group flow is the key to creating a powerful crew. There is no definitive rule, but a common trait appears to be an environment that stimulates our senses to a high degree.\nFeedback Another important factor for flow is feedback on the activity one is engaged in. The skateboarder gets immediate feedback from the body and the board. The CS gamer receives quick feedback from the screen. Without being very experienced with meditation, I believe a meditating monk experiences feedback in the form of \u0026ldquo;losing oneself,\u0026rdquo; and a sense of unity with the universe. I have only experienced brief glimpses of this myself.\nConcentration A crucial factor for experiencing flow is deep concentration in what you are doing. Distractions in the form of thoughts, a ringing phone, or a crying child abruptly interrupt flow. Studies have shown that brain activity in the frontal lobe reduces significantly during flow states. (This is called transient hypofrontality).\nRisk/Reward A certain form of risk seems to be a factor in most flow states. Physical danger is the obvious one, but it can also be in the form of social risk or the prospect of a reward.\nThis is why several seem to experience flow in competitive situations with some pressure. The same risk is not present in situations where one does not have the prospect of a certain reward in some form.\nChallenge Level The level of challenge must be just right. If the challenge is too overwhelming, it can trigger anxiety. If it\u0026rsquo;s too little, it becomes boring. Here, it is essential to find challenges that match your own challenge level so that you have faith that it is possible and at the same time stretch beyond what you do routinely. Remember that the level of challenges required is meant to be stretched over time.\nTo experience flow, you must be willing to move to the edge of your comfort zone.\nMore Examples I believe examples are useful for illustrating the endless possibilities we have to create greater or lesser flow experiences in daily life.\nHere is a plethora of additional examples based on my own and others\u0026rsquo; experiences:\nGroup classes in dancing Dancing with family in the living room Kettlebell tossing with a partner Playing squash Bootcamp Spartan Workout sessions OCR races Tagging Playing Beat Saber in VR Playing video games Playing board games/card games Theft Playing pinball Cageball Sex Drawing Painting Sand volleyball Gambling Fighting All extreme sports Singing in front of an audience Writing poetry Writing proposal documents in PowerPoint Strength competitions Presenting to others Creative problem-solving sessions Text writing Hackathons Housework Carpentry Deep conversations in smaller groups Warning As you may have noticed, not all situations are necessarily equally productive. Theft, tagging, gambling are good examples. Drugs can also be a powerful flow trigger.\nFlow itself can also be addictive. Combined with a need to constantly push the boundaries to experience new challenges, the result can be disastrous.\nOne example is extreme skier Shane McConkey, who died while skiing in a base jump in the Dolomites in 2009.\nI\u0026rsquo;m getting maximum enjoyment out of life and I\u0026rsquo;ll never stop\nShane McConkey (1969-2009), extreme skier Conclusion I hope this article has given an insight into how these mystical flow experiences can look and which factors can trigger flow experiences.\nPerhaps you have already come up with some good ideas for areas where you can create more flow in your own life.\n","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/03/10/do-you-have-enough-flow-in-your-life/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eAn introduction to the experience of flow based on personal experiences and how it can contribute to a good life.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 id=\"have-you-ever-experienced-being-totally-engrossed-in-an-activity\"\u003eHave You Ever Experienced Being Totally Engrossed in an Activity?\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSo engrossed that you forgot the time. Forgot to eat. Maybe even forgot that you had to go to the bathroom.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eChances are high that you have experienced flow (the term in English).\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFlow is a nearly magical state where you are fully present in the current moment.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"Do You Have Enough Flow in Your Life?"},{"content":"If you were expecting a food recipe when you clicked on this link, I must disappoint you. This is not an article about hamburgers in themselves.\nIt is an article about hamburgers as a metaphor.\nA metaphor for the goals we strive for and the choices we make in life. What drives our goals has an enormous impact on our quality of life over time.\nI have had quite an incredible rollercoaster ride on my own journey in pursuit of various goals. The experiences have been incredibly varied.\nSome goals have made me feel really bad.\nSome goals have been very motivating but left a feeling of emptiness when I achieved them.\nCertain goals have been motivating, even though I know I can never reach them.\nI was left with an unclear picture of how one can set goals that actually improve quality of life. The ultimate goal.\nI was left with questions such as:\nShould I even set goals at all? Which types of goals are worth the effort? Why do some types of goals give a feeling of emptiness even when I have achieved them? Which types of goals make me happy? Hamburgers provided the answers to these questions.\nThe hamburger metaphor is based on an idea by Tal Ben Shahar, PhD, author and the man behind the course that was Harvard\u0026rsquo;s most popular course (Positive Psychology 101). I have tried to build on the model and add my own experiences to make the metaphor easier to understand.\nThis concept was an incredible eye-opener for me to understand how various types of goals and choices have affected my quality of life over the years and has given me a valuable framework to evaluate future goals I consider setting for myself.\nI hope it can be of use to you as well.\nThe One Who Doesn\u0026rsquo;t Care \u0026ldquo;..an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables, slaves with white collars, advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don\u0026rsquo;t need.\u0026rdquo;\n-Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt), Fight Club\nAs a teenager, I had no particular goals. I hadn’t really thought much about the \u0026ldquo;big picture.\u0026rdquo; I was not inclined to utilize my time on this planet well. I didn’t view my life as a heroic journey and didn’t think I had the potential or need to accomplish anything positive in my life. What did my small choices mean in the grand scheme of things?\nThis is the teenager who quits sports because it feels pointless.\nThis is the worker who just does what he is told, without thinking about why.\nThis is one who has no significant goals.\nThis is the 10-kroner McDonald\u0026rsquo;s burger. The burger that doesn’t taste very good. It’s not particularly nutritious either.\nThis is the one who doesn’t see the point in setting goals.\nIt’s the one who doesn’t care.\nIt’s a rather meaningless existence, with little hope and optimism. It doesn’t provide good quality of life.\nThe Indulger «[The phone] shouldn’t just be turned off; it should be put away in a box for large parts of the day. It’s nothing that puts me in a better mood. It’s rules upon rules. I’m preparing for what I will say when they take the phone from me. I mean, if they want to treat me like a little child, I will feel like acting like a little child»\n-Nicklas Bendtner to nrk.no\nIn my youth, alcohol, junk food, and casual sex were a big part of life. I made choices that maximized pleasure in the short term, often to the great frustration of the future version of myself. Learning, growth, and sports were sacrificed in favor of partying (In hindsight, I see that there was some learning in the partying too). The feeling of not moving in the direction I wanted often appeared on Sundays.\nThis is the talent that doesn’t love all aspects of their sport.\nThe talent that wants to play football but also party.\nThis is the couch potato who enjoys chips and beer several times a week.\nThis is the double Angus burger with 4 slices of cheese, extra dressing, and fries. The burger that tastes fantastic in the moment but doesn’t feel so good afterward.\nThis is the one who isn’t willing to do the hard things now to achieve long-term goals.\nBy prioritizing short-term pleasure over long-term joy, you betray your future self. The chances are high that you will feel the betrayal eventually.\nThe Striver I hated every minute of training, but I said, \u0026lsquo;Don\u0026rsquo;t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.\u0026rsquo; -Muhammad Ali\nAs a bodybuilder, I have gone through some quite ascetic periods during competition prep. I have eaten only cod and broccoli for weeks on end, with 3-4 hours of grueling workouts every day. I have turned down countless opportunities for socializing in my pursuit of trophies.\nThis is the athlete who tortures themselves like an ascetic to become a champion.\nThis is the entrepreneur who works 20 hours a day just for the money.\nThis is the diligent student who does everything to get good grades.\nThis is \u0026ldquo;the burger,\u0026rdquo; made of some lettuce leaves and a few vegetables. It doesn’t taste particularly good, but could give a feeling of having eaten very healthily.\nThis is the one who sacrifices joy in the moment for a possible future reward.\nThe problem is that the long-term reward is short-lived, if it is even fulfilled at all. What will be next, a new goal, new sacrifices of momentary joy?\nThe Balanced Striver The key is to learn to love doing what seems difficult in the short term to realize long-term goals.\nThe long-term goals must be closely tied to one’s most important values.\nIn 2016, I conducted a thorough reevaluation of my career. After a thorough process of self-reflection and exploration, I discovered that I wanted to set a long-term vision of becoming Norway\u0026rsquo;s best Data Scientist. This is a goal that you can\u0026rsquo;t really measure, but it was nonetheless a useful goal for me because it provided me with direction. I could ask myself every morning; \u0026ldquo;What would Norway\u0026rsquo;s best Data Scientist do today?\u0026rdquo; In the job of Data Scientist, I loved every day. I enjoyed the moments (even though not all tasks were equally engaging) and understood that it was the journey itself that is important. Working hard toward the goal built a character that would give me things I valued highly.\nThis is the writer who writes every day, regardless of whether she is motivated or not.\nThis is the special forces operative who looks forward to the toughest exercise because he knows that it’s a chance to build character.\nThis is the 24-hour athlete, who does everything that is required to be the best. He goes to bed with a satisfied smile, knowing that he has done his best every day.\nThis is the healthy burger that tastes good. Here, a combination of good ingredients and flavor enhancement has made it taste good while being healthy.\nThis is the one who finds joy in making the difficult choices in the short term with a long-term goal in mind. The long-term goal is not a prerequisite for well-being, but arises as a consequence of finding joy in giving your best every day.\nThe balanced striver understands that the journey is the goal itself. Reaching the destination is not something we need to focus on so much.\nThe Hamburger Model By categorizing the four archetypes according to their short-term and long-term effect on joy, we can place them in their respective corners of a quadrant.\nThere are, of course, many nuances that could and/or should be included here.\nAll models are wrong, but some models are useful.\nThe hamburger model has been a useful tool for me to evaluate how past goals and motivations have influenced my quality of life, and not least as a filter I can use when potential goals that might seem attractive arise in the future.\nThe hamburger model has already helped me to \u0026ldquo;forego\u0026rdquo; commitment to goals that I know would not have been a great source of lasting joy.\nPractical Tips Finally, here are some practical tips on how you can use the insights from the model.\nReflect on past goals Think about goals you have worked toward. Did you achieve them? How did you feel then? Did you manage to enjoy the journey toward the goal?\nFind useful activities that you enjoy doing. These are activities that have an impact on both the short and long term. Physical activity. Gardening. Jumping on the trampoline with the kids.\nLearn to enjoy \u0026ldquo;tiring\u0026rdquo; activities. Consider that even if you don’t derive pleasure from them in the short term, you know that you’re building willpower by doing them, and that can be used to help you learn to enjoy these activities.\nCelebrate for yourself every time you do something well. It can be giving yourself praise when you don’t eat that piece of cake you really didn’t need. It could be giving yourself a high-five in the mirror after you’ve tackled that boring task you were dreading.\nIt’s difficult. But important.\nSources of Inspiration Tal Ben Shahar, \u0026ldquo;Happier\u0026rdquo;, \u0026ldquo;Being Happy\u0026rdquo; hamburgers eudaimonic happiness quality of life tal ben shahar model willpower self-discipline ","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/03/03/the-best-hamburger-that-exists/","summary":"This is not an article about hamburgers themselves, but an article about hamburgers as a metaphor for the goals we strive for and the choices we make in life.","title":"The Best Hamburger That Exists"},{"content":"Updated: February 28, 2021\nHave you spent an hour in the past year considering how you invest your money? Whether you should invest in index funds or stocks? Setting up a retirement account? Creating a personal budget?\nThere is one resource I argue is far more important than money.\nYour time.\nI hope you take 5-10 minutes to read this article to become more aware of how you invest the most important resource of all: time.\nIf you live as long as the average person, you have been allotted approximately 700,000 hours on this amazing planet of ours.\nIn these hours, you can accomplish fantastic things. You can make the world a better place. You can do things that improve life for future generations.\nOr you can waste these hours.\nWhat you do with your hours is up to you.\nThe problem is that it is all too easy to think of time as an infinite resource.\nIt is not.\nTime slips away like grains of sand never to return again.\n— Robin Sharma, \u0026ldquo;The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari\u0026rdquo;\nTime is running out. For all of us. Right now. Slowly but surely.\nIf you don’t make conscious choices about how you want to spend your hours, there is a good chance that society or others will make the choices for you.\nIn this article, I will encourage you to take back the most important freedom you have as a human being.\nThe freedom to choose what you want to spend your time on.\nThe freedom to decide how you invest your most precious resource for the best possible return.\nAs usual, I will try to break down this hairy problem into concrete actions you can take immediately. I’ve even been nice enough to create a Time Budget Google Sheet that does all the calculations and visualizations for you.\nYou can get your own copy by entering your email in the box at this link (or filling out the box at the bottom of this page).\nThis sheet helps you gain a more conscious relationship with how you use your most vital resource in just 5-10 minutes. That’s well-spent time.\nLet\u0026rsquo;s get started!\nMap Your Priorities The first thing I want you to do is to think about what is important to you in your life at this moment.\nRate the importance of the following categories for you, on a scale from 1 (Not Important) to 10 (Very Important):\nJob/Career/School Romantic Relationships Family/Household Entertainment Health Spiritual Activities Self-Development Creative Activities Social Relationships It is entirely natural for your priorities to change throughout different stages of your life. This is why this is an exercise you can revisit regularly as your values and life situation change.\nNow comes what can often be an aha experience. It certainly was for me the first time I did the exercise.\nMap Your Consumption When I worked as a personal trainer, the first thing I often asked my clients to do was to keep a food diary and map their activity levels.\nLogging everything they put in their mouths was an eye-opener for many when they completed the task correctly. Usually, they consumed many more calories than they thought. A couple of slices of bread here, a glass of juice there, a yogurt and a handful of nuts in between. Not to mention a couple of handfuls of chips that often appeared.\nUnconscious intake made the difference between whether they gained or lost weight.\nIn the same way, hidden time spent on unconscious activities can be the source of why you feel you are not utilizing your time well enough.\nNow it’s time to become aware of your time usage.\nThe best approach is to log it daily for a week. This way, you are more likely not to miss hidden time thieves. If you can be completely honest with yourself, you can try to base it on last week.\nA gentle reminder:\nBy entering your email at this link, you can access a template to set up your own time budget. If not now, then when\u0026hellip;?\nTo log time spent, it is more useful to break it down into activities rather than categories. Some activities can impact multiple categories, as we will return to.\nYou can also log hours spent sleeping, but we will exclude that from the visualizations, as it makes it difficult to see the nuances between the other categories. How much sleep someone needs and what quality means can be the subject of another article. (Extra curious readers can check out \u0026ldquo;Why We Sleep\u0026rdquo; by Matthew Walker.)\nFind Kinderegg Activities Some activities are like Kinder Eggs. They can provide benefits in multiple areas at once. Such activities are worth their weight in gold.\nFor example, work (should?) be a source of both social relationships and self-development, in addition to the job/career/school category. Going for a hike can have an effect on romantic relationships as well as health if you do it with your partner.\nOne of my favorite tricks is to combine activities that give me returns in several areas. An example here is walking meetings outdoors. By holding meetings while walking outside, I gain physical activity, mental clarity, nature experiences, and deeper relationships with my conversation partner than by sitting in the same conference room with screens and computers nearby. Of course, not all meetings can be conducted this way, but some are worth a lot.\nAnother example for me is combining easy runs with mindfulness and spiritual development. By ditching earbuds and Strava, I can absorb beautiful nature and become aware of birds, trees, and the sky. It gives an experience with value far beyond the obvious exercise and health benefit.\nA final example is dancing with the family. By putting on some music videos on YouTube and having a joint dance/exercise session, we both get some movement, boost our mood, create good relationships, and most importantly, have fun.\nWhat activities can you do that have an effect on several of the desired categories?\nMake a list of ideas.\nSuch activities are key to \u0026ldquo;hacking\u0026rdquo; your time consumption.\nYes, I’ve also created support for Kinder Egg activities in the Google Sheet using a simple script that can be run by clicking on \u0026ldquo;My Scripts\u0026rdquo; and selecting \u0026ldquo;select multiple\u0026rdquo;. Future work on the sheet may involve adding support for weighting the impact on the different categories differently. (Any takers? 😉)\nCompare Your Time Budget will automatically calculate the difference between what you say you prioritize and what you actually do prioritize.\nCategories in green are those you spend more time on than the desired priority. Categories in red are those you spend less time on than the desired priority.\nIn the example above, we see that the person spends far more time on work and entertainment than their priorities would suggest. At the same time, less time is spent on self-development and spiritual activities.\nHopefully, you now have a more conscious relationship with your actual time consumption.\nDid you have any aha moments?\nIs there a mismatch between your desired priority and actual consumption?\nIf self-development is more important to you than entertainment, and you spend 0 hours a week on self-development and 15 hours on entertainment, that should ring a bell.\nIf health is ranked higher than work and you spend 1 hour a week on exercise and 60 hours a week at work, you should hear a damn alarm!\nWhere will you be in 10 years if you continue in this direction?\nAre you ready to redistribute your time consumption? Let’s get started.\nRedistribute The first step to taking back control over your time is to reallocate time spent on categories you say are not so important to those you want to spend more time on.\nEntertainment may be an easy start for many. The value of entertainment is not insignificant, but is it worth more than a couple of hours a week? Is time invested in social media or Netflix well-invested time, or could this time be better spent on some of the activities you prioritized higher?\nThe absolute best swap I made in my life was to trade two hours of \u0026ldquo;couch time\u0026rdquo; for two hours in the morning for exercise, journaling, and important work.\nWhat about \u0026ldquo;empty time,\u0026rdquo; such as commuting? If you commute 1 hour to and from work or school every day, you have 5 hours a week that you can redistribute. Think practically about what might be a good swap here.\nIf you drive, it might be listening to audiobooks or podcasts on self-development. That\u0026rsquo;s a book per week.\nIf you take the bus, it could be writing in your journal and planning your day. It might be reading a book.\nWhat do you think provides you with a better long-term return: reading a book a week or playing Candy Crush?\nAdditionally, you can see if any of the higher-ranked categories are receiving too little allocated time. Health could be a recurring theme here.\nMultiplier Activities Time spent on activities such as exercise, sleep, and mindfulness has benefits far beyond the obvious.\nI call them multiplier activities.\nMultiplier activities give you more energy for all your other activities.\nMultiplier activities are good investments of your time.\nBy reallocating your planned time consumption to your chosen priorities, you have taken a significant and important first step toward becoming a more refined version of yourself.\nConclusion By simply comparing what you want to spend your time on and what you actually spend your time on, you have the foundation for using your time on things that are more important to you.\nYou have the tools you need to take back control. I hope you have identified some changes you might want to try and then come back to reflect on the effects of those changes over time.\nAs always, it’s a challenge to do what we know we should do. Don’t give up. The long-term consequences are unimaginable. So are the benefits if you stay the course.\nOne last small but significant tip:\nDon\u0026rsquo;t forget to enjoy this process along the way.\nHappiness can never be chased. It must be part of the journey.\nWorking on becoming better is the journey itself.\nEnjoy the journey.\n🙏💗💪\nSelf-Development\nHabits\n","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/02/26/how-do-you-use-your-time/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eUpdated: February 28, 2021\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHave you spent an hour in the past year considering how you invest your money? Whether you should invest in index funds or stocks? Setting up a retirement account? Creating a personal budget?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThere is one resource I argue is far more important than money.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour time.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI hope you take 5-10 minutes to read this article to become more aware of how you invest the most important resource of all: time.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"How Do You Use Your Time?"},{"content":"The choice between the escalator and the stairs says a lot about who you are as a person. Learn why taking the stairs is critical for achieving a better life.\nHave you ever taken the express train from Oslo to Gardermoen?\nThen you made a choice, either unconsciously or consciously.\nDid you choose the escalator or the stairs?\nI would argue that the choice you made says a lot about who you are as a person.\n95% of people take the escalator.\nI am quite sure that if we got to know those who chose the stairs better, we would see that they were in better shape, earned more, and had better relationships with their loved ones. They would have a better quality of life.\nWhy?\nBecause everything worth achieving requires you to do things that are a little difficult.\nDifficult choices. Easy life. Easy choices. Difficult life.\nJerzy Gregorek, author, poet, and world champion weightlifter In this article, I will show you why it is critical that you start taking the stairs.\nBecome one of the 5%.\nIf you are willing to take the stairs, you can have everything you want and become everything you want.\nNothing stops you. Except yourself.\nWake up!\nI don\u0026rsquo;t think the reason 95% take the escalator is that they think it is best for them.\nI think the reason is that they don\u0026rsquo;t even see it as a choice.\nThey walk around like a draug.\nIn a world with increasingly more distractions, our brains are getting hacked.\nWe go on autopilot with our noses in our phones and a bag of cinnamon rolls and a cola in our hands.\nThen it becomes damn difficult to realize that it is actually a choice to take the stairs. The chances are high that one simply follows the crowd with the 95% who take the escalator.\nWithout being aware that it actually is a choice, you don\u0026rsquo;t even get the opportunity to train your most important muscle, the willpower muscle.\nWe all have to choose one of two pains: The pain of discipline or the pain of regret.\nThe difference is that discipline is measured in grams, and regret is measured in tons.\nJim Rohn Fast forward a few years and you have snoozed through the one opportunity you had to do something extraordinary with your life.\nThe feeling of unrealized potential and dreams was identified by palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware as the biggest regret people had on their deathbeds.\nI am not going to let my future self be dealt a bad hand.\nAre you?\nSelf-discipline Self-discipline is the ability to make the choices that you know are best for you in the long run, even if they may seem difficult in the short term.\nLife is not easy.\nThings don’t come on their own.\nWinning the lottery or becoming a celebrity doesn\u0026rsquo;t guarantee a good life.\nSimplifying it a bit, we can say that life is all about choices.\nA good life requires doing difficult things. When one learns to enjoy doing difficult things, magical things happen.\nBy taking the stairs, you gain several positive effects. Your heart rate increases a bit, you release some good hormones, and you think a bit clearer afterward.\nThe problem is that these benefits might not be significant this one time. But what if you have to go up 5 floors to your office, and you have the opportunity to walk or take the elevator twice a day?\nIf we add that up over 20 years, you could have the difference between being overweight and having a normal weight. Perhaps even the difference between a mediocre life and a fantastic life?\nDiscipline gives freedom.\nFreedom to become who you want to be. To get everything you want.\nDiscipline is your friend when motivation fails you. And motivation will fail you.\nWhen Taking the Stairs Becomes a Habit What can be nice to think about is that even if it seems a bit exhausting to take the stairs the first few times, it gets easier and easier. You won’t have to use as much mental energy to overcome the lizard brain\u0026rsquo;s instinct to make the easy choice. Your willpower has grown.\nTo reinforce the positive feeling, behavioral psychologist BJ Fogg has shown that celebrating small habits is an effective method.\nBy giving yourself an invisible high-five, pumping your fist triumphantly in the air, you give yourself an emotional reward. You give yourself kudos. This will create a memory in your brain for the next time you face the choice, and it will be attractive to try to recreate that feeling again.\nEventually, taking the stairs will become a habit. What is so cool is that you can take both the willpower you have trained up and your self-image as a person with self-discipline to other areas of life.\nYou can learn to enjoy doing difficult things.\nAs I wrote about in “What is the story you tell yourself?”, how we see ourselves is essential for the choices we make and what we can achieve.\nBy seeing yourself as a person who takes the stairs, your chances of choosing the stairs next time you are faced with that decision are much greater.\nThe self-reinforcing effect over time is enormous.\nYour First Steps You may not have the choice between taking the stairs and an escalator every day. Hopefully, you have realized that this is a metaphor that you can take principles from and apply to many areas of life.\nTaking the stairs is a mindset. An attitude.\nFind your own stairs!\nMaybe you should \u0026ldquo;take the stairs\u0026rdquo; by getting up when the alarm clock rings?\nMaybe you should \u0026ldquo;take the stairs\u0026rdquo; by skipping the Ben \u0026amp; Jerry\u0026rsquo;s pint you didn\u0026rsquo;t need?\nMaybe you should \u0026ldquo;take the stairs\u0026rdquo; by completing a work task you have procrastinated on.\nMaybe you should \u0026ldquo;take the stairs\u0026rdquo; by putting down your phone when you are having a conversation.\nHow you take the stairs is up to you and your individual starting point.\nThe most important thing is just to get started.\nCreate a tiny momentum.\nTake the damn stairs!\nBecome the most badass version of yourself!\nThat stair can change your story to one worth telling when you get old.\nSources of Inspiration Rory Vaden, \u0026ldquo;Take the Stairs: 7 Steps to Achieving True Success\u0026rdquo; BJ Fogg, \u0026ldquo;Tiny Habits\u0026rdquo; Jocko Willink, \u0026ldquo;Discipline Equals Freedom\u0026rdquo; Jerzy Gregorek, \u0026ldquo;The Happy Body\u0026rdquo; ","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/02/20/take-the-damn-stairs/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eThe choice between the escalator and the stairs says a lot about who you are as a person. Learn why taking the stairs is critical for achieving a better life.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHave you ever taken the express train from Oslo to Gardermoen?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThen you made a choice, either unconsciously or consciously.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDid you choose the escalator or the stairs?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI would argue that the choice you made says a lot about who you are as a person.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"Take the Damn Stairs!"},{"content":"The military has unique conditions to create real change in people. Here are five ways a period in the military can impact your life.\nThe military brings together people from all across the country and mixes them in a pot, adding predefined values and exposing them to stressful situations. I believe the result of this process is better individuals. Therefore, I argue that a term in the military would benefit nearly everyone. I will explain why.\nIn high school, I did not have a conscious relationship with my own values. I partied, fought, and messed around. I did not know who I wanted to be. I had a sense that there should be \u0026ldquo;something more.\u0026rdquo; I lacked a clear direction in life.\nWhen the time came to figure out what I should do after high school, I was uncertain.\nI thought, \u0026ldquo;I guess I’ll become an engineer…\u0026rdquo; because I had always done well in science subjects at school. The path to becoming an engineer was the one society had laid out for me. It was the \u0026ldquo;normal\u0026rdquo; choice.\nFortunately, I wanted something more. I wanted to challenge myself a bit. I discovered the opportunity to get an education in the military and to combine leadership training (officer school) with a bachelor\u0026rsquo;s degree in Telematics at the Cyber Engineer School (now the Norwegian Defence University College).\nAt 19, I showed up at Kjevik Airport outside Kristiansand straight from a festival with a forgotten 1.5-liter bottle of moonshine. Fortunately, I wasn\u0026rsquo;t kicked out.\nSix years later, a different version of myself left Rena, heading back home to Trondheim after completing school and having been involved with the Submarine Service, international assignments, and the Norwegian Special Operations Forces (FSK). (I was, however, a systems engineer and \u0026ldquo;unfortunately\u0026rdquo; not a special forces soldier.)\nI was a more refined version of myself.\nMy time in the military made me a better person.\nIn this article, I will reflect on what I took away from the military, aiming to highlight some of the life-changing lessons the military can provide you.\nThe article draws upon my experience at the Cyber Engineer School, but most elements are common traits that both basic training and other military educations can provide you in varying degrees.\nIncreased Belief in Yourself The first thing the military gives you is an increased belief in yourself and what you can achieve. Already as a candidate or recruit, you will push boundaries you thought you had. For me, someone who rarely trained aerobically and lived a hedonistic lifestyle, the thought of marching for several days with a heavy pack without much sleep or food felt relatively distant.\nJesse Itzler writes in his book \u0026ldquo;Living with a SEAL\u0026rdquo; about the \u0026ldquo;40% rule\u0026rdquo; as the key to mental strength. The \u0026ldquo;40% rule\u0026rdquo; is simple:\nWhen your mind tells you that you are done, that you are exhausted, and that you can\u0026rsquo;t go on, you have really only used 40% of your potential.\n— Jesse Itzler, \u0026ldquo;Living with a SEAL\u0026rdquo;\nIn the military, you learn the 40% rule physically. You think you have no more to give, but time and again, you end up pushing the limits of what you thought was possible.\nThe limits of what you can do and endure, both physically and mentally, are challenged.\nYou get a glimpse of the enormous potential that lies within you.\nThe potential that lies within all of us.\nCharacter Building The military\u0026rsquo;s core values are respect, responsibility, and courage.\nThese core values are clearly operationalized as part of the culture. The values influence how people behave. Not all organizations can say the same.\nThe military also promotes many good values beyond the core values. There’s no one in the military who thinks it’s acceptable to get drunk while in uniform. Everyone understands that one should stand up for elderly people on the bus. It is understood that one does not complain and moan even if they are cold, tired, exhausted, and hungry.\nI believe the military is in a unique position to influence soldiers\u0026rsquo; values through character building. By adopting the identity of a soldier, one automatically inherits a set of good values. Furthermore, when this identity is reinforced around the clock in a community with others, I think we are onto something that explains why the military is such an effective place for positive personal change.\nCharacter strengths are different from personality. They run deeper.\n— \u0026ldquo;What we see of a person on a daily basis is like the tip of an iceberg. It is when things get difficult that you see what is beneath the surface. When it gets painful, exhausting, and challenging.\u0026rdquo;\n— Professor Ole Boe, usn.no\nI would like to refer once more to this test, where you can become aware of your own character strengths.\nBy influencing soldiers\u0026rsquo; value systems and identities, the military builds character through practice, something civilian schools cannot do in the same way.\nProfessor Janne H. Matlary at the Norwegian Defence University College describes it this way:\n\u0026ldquo;In military training in Norway, but nowhere else, one encounters the term ‘character building,’ translated from character formation. Without knowing oneself and practicing to act correctly in the war zone, one cannot be a soldier. The military profession presupposes ethically correct actions as a reflex. However, all schooling should involve character building. This is achieved through the classical European educational program, often referred to as liberal arts. Education is, however, not something learned, but rather the right ethical practice to such an extent that the virtues become internalized as traits. One cannot simply read oneself into education…\u0026rdquo;\n— Janne H. Matlary, \u0026ldquo;Not Just Train the Body,\u0026rdquo; Aftenposten\nCharacter building is about learning to make the right choices. The problem usually lies not in not knowing what the right choices are, but in having to train oneself to actually make them. By practicing making the right choices in demanding psychological and mental environments, one can build character.\nIs there anything more valuable than building character?\nA Solid Physical Foundation The foundation for all we do as humans comes from our bodies. The connection between physical activity and all measures of quality of life is rock solid. To have the energy to meet life\u0026rsquo;s major challenges, you depend on a solid physical platform.\nIn the military, physical activity is an integral part of all training. It can involve everything from marching in the woods with a pack, hand-to-hand combat training, swimming, and CrossFit, to ski trips on NATO skis, mud trails, and my personal favorite, military obstacle course.\nYou are exposed to a wide variety of ways to use your body, and the chances are high that you will try something here that you otherwise would not have done. For me, hand-to-hand combat training, obstacle courses, and climbing are activities I grew fond of and later tried in some form.\nMost physical activity in the military is organized in groups. This is certainly for practical reasons, but I also believe this has numerous positive effects on both motivation and performance.\nA tough crew pushes each other to get better.\nI can still taste the blood from some of the toughest long intervals we did in the military.\nI started with a jog early in the morning when I was in the military, a habit I have resumed in recent years. I probably wouldn’t have done it if my brain hadn’t remembered all those lovely morning runs I had many years ago and the feeling they gave me afterward.\nFriends and Experiences for Life Have you ever seen how people who have been in the military together act when they randomly meet in town? It’s just like seeing two brothers separated in childhood reunite. It doesn’t take many seconds before guys who are otherwise very stingy with their hugs are hanging around each other’s necks, reminiscing about shared experiences from their time in the military.\nYou get incredibly close to those you are in the military with. You get to know both their strengths and weaknesses in a completely different way than in civilian life. By tackling exhausting challenges together, the bonds formed are extremely strong.\nYou can’t hide your true self during a year in the military.\nEarlier the same day I wrote this article, I actually had a digital coffee with a good friend from my time in the military. It didn’t take long before we found our rhythm again, and laughter flowed freely while we made plans to visit each other as I do with most I keep in touch with.\nThe military fosters a unique camaraderie and will give you friends from all over the country whom you can enjoy life with later on.\nYou have a couch to crash on in most cities in the country if you have been in the military.\nIncreased Gratitude for the Small Things I believe in contrasts in life - that we humans need to feel discomfort. Many people have a flat life. I don’t think these people will end up feeling that life has been a fantastic journey. One must experience a wide range of emotions to say that life has indeed been fantastic.\n— Erik Bertrand Larssen\nYou don’t know how good a chewy candy can taste until it’s the first nourishment you have received in several days. You don’t know how delightful it can be to get a couple of minutes in dreamland fully clothed with a helmet on your head and a clumpy backpack as a pillow.\nIt’s incredible how fun it can be to go skiing on a pair of worn Landsem skis inherited from your grandfather when the last ski trips you’ve taken have been with a sled, NATO skis, and an AG-3 buttstock that has given you countless bruises on your chin.\nIn our everyday life, we have grown accustomed to comforts like water, electricity, 4G, WiFi, showers, beds, and all the possible food we can think of just a couple of clicks away.\nI’m not saying it’s wrong to take advantage of these \u0026ldquo;luxuries.\u0026rdquo; I’m saying that by giving up such things, one learns to \u0026ldquo;reset\u0026rdquo; what is normal. You can find joy and pleasure in having a bed instead of thinking you would like to have a Hästens Vividus bed costing half a million.\nMost people in the military undergo some form of mastery exercise or combat course, popularly known as \u0026ldquo;Hell Week.\u0026rdquo; Here, comfort sensitivity is truly reset.\nHell Week is magical.\nYou learn to be grateful for the small things.\nAnd that is an incredibly valuable quality.\nConclusion In this article, I have highlighted some of the most important gifts the military gave me during my time there. Perhaps I was incredibly lucky with my leaders and fellow soldiers. I have, in any case, heard many similar experiences from others who have been in the military. And then we haven’t even begun to discuss the technical skills one learns, such as first aid, avalanche safety, survival skills, setting up tents and shelters, and how to dress properly.\nIf you or someone you know wants to explore what educational opportunities are available in the military, there is an overview here: Military Education\nIf you want to be part of an extraordinary environment that takes what I have written about even further, you can also check out FSK.\nHave you been in the military yourself and share some of the views in this article?\nMaybe you feel that your comfort zone has shrunk a bit?\nThen I have a challenge for you here.\nIf not now, when\u0026hellip;?\nSources of Inspiration Eirik Kristoffersen, \u0026ldquo;The Hunter Spirit\u0026rdquo; Erik Bertrand Larssen, \u0026ldquo;Hell Week\u0026rdquo; Jesse Itzler, \u0026ldquo;Living with a SEAL\u0026rdquo; Mark Divine, \u0026ldquo;The Way of the SEAL\u0026rdquo; David Goggins, \u0026ldquo;Can\u0026rsquo;t Hurt Me\u0026rdquo; ","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/02/18/5-ways-the-military-can-change-your-life/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eThe military has unique conditions to create real change in people. Here are five ways a period in the military can impact your life.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe military brings together people from all across the country and mixes them in a pot, adding predefined values and exposing them to stressful situations. I believe the result of this process is better individuals. Therefore, I argue that a term in the military would benefit nearly everyone. I will explain why.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"5 Ways the Military Can Change Your Life"},{"content":"How will your life story look in a few years? Take responsibility and write your own story, inspired by examples like Elon Musk and Arnold Schwarzenegger.\nIf you continue on your current path, how will your life story look in a few years? Do you have a positive development in your quality of life? Or is it relatively stable?\nWhat is the trend? Where will it be in 5 years? 10 years?\nAn example of a curve showing increasing quality of life over time.\nWill your story be exciting and inspiring?\nWill it be a story you are proud of?\nWho will be the author of your story?\nPerhaps most importantly; Will your story have an author?\nWithout an author, it is likely that the story will become boring.\nTake Responsibility There is no magic fairy that will write the story for you.\nYou must write your own story.\nElon Musk has taken responsibility for writing his own story. It is exciting. It has meaning.\nHis story will be remembered long after he leaves the Earth (or hopefully Mars).\nThere are many chapters in the story.\nThe hero\u0026rsquo;s journey has many quests. Hercules had to fight many monsters.\nYour story has many chapters.\nElon Musk\u0026rsquo;s story consists of many chapters:\nHe revolutionized the way we pay online through PayPal. He revolutionized the way we drive cars with Tesla. He revolutionized space travel with SpaceX. He is working on changing the interaction between humans and computers with Neuralink. Perhaps a chapter in your story is being a fantastic mom who provides security, togetherness, and love to a small child?\nPerhaps a chapter in your story is making your workplace amazing for your colleagues?\nPerhaps a chapter in your story is being an athlete who inspires thousands of children to find joy in sports?\nPerhaps a chapter in my story is writing articles that help someone become a stronger version of themselves?\nWe have several quests that are all chapters in our story.\nFrom Quest to Identity In order to dare to stand in the quest, the quest must become part of who you are. If you take on a challenge without accepting the identity that is required, you are doomed to fail.\nIf you say you will become a writer without actually seeing yourself as a writer, you will never publish a book.\nAs I wrote about in “The Story You Tell Yourself,” the way you see yourself is crucial for what you can achieve.\nWhy? Because if you don’t believe in yourself, you will get nowhere.\nThen you will run home to your mother in the face of the first dragon you meet. Then you will never publish your blog.\nThen you will never deliver that groundbreaking project at work.\nThen you will never start your own company.\nThen you will never win that championship.\nThen you will never become the most amazing version of yourself.\nIf you lack belief, this is where you must start. Read a book about someone who has achieved what you dream of. I guarantee you that there are people out there who have overcome greater obstacles than you to achieve what you dream of. Send them a message. Ask what they did. I am sure they can help you regain your confidence.\nThere is nothing you cannot achieve if you believe.\nIf the belief is strong enough, the way forward becomes clear.\nBreak the Quest Down into Actions Arnold Schwarzenegger had a dream of getting to the USA as a teenager.\nBorn into a middle-class family in rural Austria in 1947, this was not an easy feat. This became Arnold’s quest. Over time, he understood that the key to realizing his dream was to win the Mr. Universe competition.\nThe quest was clear.\nWhen the quest is clear, it gives us a problem to solve. This is what humans are good at.\n“How can I win the Mr. Universe competition?” became the problem Arnold had to solve.\nThe answer was not complicated. He had to train hard every day, eat food that built as much muscle as possible, and practice posing.\nWhen the actions required to solve the quest are clear, you must ensure to allocate time for the actions and carry them out every day.\nThen the next obstacle becomes execution power.\nExecution Power Here is where it starts to become difficult. Every action needed to accomplish big quests requires a certain effort. Even worse, this effort must be maintained over a long period of time. Discipline.\nThe action is dependent on the quest.\nThe action may seem trivial and boring.\nThe action is the hero’s training. It is preparation.\nThe action can be:\nWriting every day - even though your bed is tempting. Training every day - even when you are tired and it’s raining outside. Having patience with your children - even when it takes them half an hour to get dressed. Setting aside time to prioritize the most important tasks at work - even though there are many emails you could be responding to. The more important the quest is to us, the greater our intrinsic motivation to carry out the actions. We need that motivation when tough days come. And they will come. Otherwise, the quest is too easy.\nBut you cannot just rely on motivation. Those who put their faith in motivation are the ones who never fulfill their New Year\u0026rsquo;s resolutions. Instead, you should create a system that makes it easy for you to carry out the actions.\nOne of my favorite methods for maintaining execution power is to create a minimum level that must always be executed, and for which there are no excuses to skip, even if you get sick. By having a minimum level, you maintain momentum and progress regardless of what may come up.\nMost of the time, you will surpass the minimum level, while at other times it may be more than enough to just reach it.\nThe system can also involve adjusting your environment to make the actions easier to execute.\nThis could mean laying out your running shoes the night before, installing a productivity app on your computer, or blocking out time in your calendar.\nThe details depend on the action.\nBut do yourself a favor. Don’t just rely on motivation.\nMotivation has a formidable opponent.\nOvercome Resistance On tough days, you will doubt yourself.\nGuaranteed.\nIf not, your quest is not tough enough.\nYou will hear a voice whispering:\n“Maybe I’m not cut out for this?” “Maybe I just have to accept that I don’t have what it takes?” “Maybe I should stick to something I already know?” This voice comes from what Steven Pressfield calls “The Resistance.”\nIt comes from fear and springs from our lizard brain.\nDon’t listen to the resistance.\nIt is the only thing standing between you and everything you want. Everything you can become. Everything you can give.\nIf you let resistance win once, it becomes stronger.\nBut, if you overcome the resistance, you have the upper hand.\nThen you have the power to write your story just the way you want.\nTo reinforce your belief and build confidence in the fight against resistance, it is important that you give yourself credit every time you overcome resistance.\nEvery time you choose to do what you know you should do, you must celebrate.\nFeel the sensation of having overcome resistance in this battle. Then you will face it even stronger next time it tries to challenge you.\nThe celebration can be as simple as pumping your fist for yourself and thinking, “Ha! I won this round!”, crossing off a box on a chart (Seinfeld method), or posting your workout on Strava.\nConclusion We have looked at what it takes to write your own story.\nThe steps can be summarized as follows:\nTake responsibility\nDecide whether you are willing to take responsibility and become the author of your own life.\nChoose a chapter\nFind a quest that is important to you, with an appropriate difficulty level for your current status. Choose a direction. Set a goal.\nBelieve\nHave faith that you can accomplish the quest. See that others have done it.\nMove from quest to action\nFind answers to the question, “What must I do every day to solve the quest?”\nAllocate time and space for the actions.\nExecution power\nCreate a system for executing the actions, even on tough days.\nMaintain belief!\nCelebrate each victory over resistance; this builds confidence and makes you stronger in the next battle.\nYou have everything you need to get started writing your story.\nResistance becomes stronger the longer you wait.\nDon’t wait.\nWrite an extraordinary story.\nBecome fierce!\nSources of Inspiration Joseph Campbell, \u0026ldquo;Hero With a Thousand Faces\u0026rdquo; Arnold Schwarzenegger, \u0026ldquo;Total Recall\u0026rdquo; Steven Pressfield, \u0026ldquo;War of Art\u0026rdquo; ","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/02/17/write-your-own-story/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eHow will your life story look in a few years? Take responsibility and write your own story, inspired by examples like Elon Musk and Arnold Schwarzenegger.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 id=\"if-you-continue-on-your-current-path-how-will-your-life-story-look-in-a-few-years\"\u003eIf you continue on your current path, how will your life story look in a few years?\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDo you have a positive development in your quality of life? Or is it relatively stable?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhat is the trend? Where will it be in 5 years? 10 years?\u003c/p\u003e","title":"Write Your Own Story"},{"content":"Updated: February 13, 2021\nWe are facing a global pandemic.\nIt should not surprise any of us if we look at the history of previous pandemics:\nVisualization of Mortality from Historical Pandemics\nSource: Visual Capitalist\nVirus outbreaks have been part of human reality from time to time since the beginning of our era.\nIf there’s one thing that\u0026rsquo;s certain, it’s that this pandemic will pass, just like all others have, mutations or not. This gives reason for optimism.\nWhat keeps me awake at night is not the pandemic itself, but the possible consequences of the measures we resort to in order to meet this challenge.\nOne thing is the immediate consequences of the measures, which appear to be frightening enough.\nSomething quite different are the long-term consequences.\nWe can be incredibly grateful for the work the Norwegian Institute of Public Health (FHI) has done for us in investigating the immediate consequences. Here, we can rely on empirical research results.\nUnfortunately, it is not possible to conduct empirical research on the future.\nBut we can at least try a bit of logical reasoning.\nLet’s first summarize the (frightening) immediate consequences that have been observed so far.\nAll findings listed below are drawn from a meta-analysis that included 93 studies from OECD countries, of which 11 were from Norway and Denmark. You can find the report here.\nWarning: It’s not uplifting reading.\nFamily Relationships Over 50% fewer child abuse cases and a 42% decrease in children and young people in emergency care. It’s possible that children are being subjected to abuse without receiving help due to less reporting during the lockdown. If so, this is a group that is already vulnerable and is suffering even more during covid-19.\nNearly doubling of infants needing emergency medical assistance.\n1493%(!) increase in occurrences of head injuries suspected from abuse among toddlers aged 0-1.5 years. All affected families were from deprived areas, which additionally had other challenges, such as a criminal history, mental health issues, and poor finances.\nHigher risk of abusing children if parents lost their jobs or suffered from depression.\n25% reported more arguments in the family.\nCorrelation between covid-19-related stress factors and poor parental behavior (e.g., aggression, inconsistency), which in turn was a risk factor for distress in both parents and children.\nParents with poor parenting practices had higher depression rates, more children, lack of childcare, and concerns about their relationships.\nSocial Conditions Decline in empathetic concern (worry for and warm thoughts about others) and prosocial behavior.\nSignificant increase in social media usage.\nSignificant increase in the proportion of girls/women following appearance-focused Instagram accounts. Researchers believed this indicated an increase in those following such accounts.\n70% of boys spent more time gaming online.\nLack of physical contact with friends predicted loneliness, anxiety, and depression.\nNearly all social media and technology usage, aside from video calls, was highest among parents and children perceived (by parents) to have higher levels of anxiety.\nAbout 1/5 felt lonely, and just under half indicated in their responses that they did not feel happy.\n78% of children and young people aged 6-14 showed symptoms of anxiety.\nA Norwegian study showed the following results: To the question \u0026ldquo;How often have you felt lonely in the past week?\u0026rdquo;, 12.9% responded that they always felt lonely, while 45.5% felt lonely occasionally.\n51% of adolescents scored above the clinical threshold for depression. 40% for anxiety and 45% for PTSD.\nSubstance Abuse Compared to 2019, the percentage of serious alcohol poisonings from total emergency admissions increased from 2.96% in 2019 to 11.31% after reopening.\n49% used substances alone.\nYouth with greater fears of covid-19 or more symptoms of depression had an increased likelihood of using substances alone.\nIs it not significantly more concerning that people use substances alone rather than in a joyful gathering with friends?\nQuality of Life Isn’t quality of life the ultimate goal of everything we do?\nQuality of life is about what gives life value and meaning. For some, it is as much freedom as possible, for others joy, or the development of skills and interests. Because the concept of quality of life raises the question of what is valuable in itself, it touches the core of politics: to provide citizens the opportunity to live good lives. Good Lives in Norway (2016), Directorate of Health\nAmong boys, the proportion with high life satisfaction clearly decreased, from 88% in 2018 and 92% in 2020 before the covid-19 restrictions to 71% during the lockdown. Corresponding figures for girls were 78%, 81%, and 62%.\nVulnerable Groups Middle-class families managed to maintain a higher standard of learning opportunities, both in terms of time and activities (e.g., homework, maintaining after-school activities) for children. Children from low socio-economic backgrounds had fewer learning opportunities.\nIn this way, it appears that the pandemic amplifies existing inequalities, and that particularly children from poor socio-economic backgrounds are more severely affected by the pandemic than others.\nPhysical Activity and Diet Here we are fortunate that FHI already published preliminary results from the National Public Health Survey 2020 on February 8, 2021. You can read the preliminary findings here:\nHere are some of the findings:\n34% of those aged between 18 and 24 report that they have gained weight in the past year.\nA total of 23% in the age group 18-24 think they eat less healthily now than before corona.\n44% of those between 18 and 24 indicate they are less physically active now than before the corona pandemic.\n40% of those aged 25-49 report being less physically active now than before the corona pandemic.\nA larger proportion of those who were overweight and obese have gained weight during the corona pandemic than those of normal weight.\nThe Differences Are Amplified Several reports provide quotes suggesting that the differences between people are being exacerbated:\nA small segment of the population seems to have had the time and resources to be more physically active and to eat healthier during the pandemic. Nine percent say they eat healthier and 14 percent are more physically active than before.\n— These results may indicate that changes in diet and physical activity due to the pandemic could contribute to explaining some of the weight gain. This is concerning, particularly because negative lifestyle changes and weight gain seem to hit younger adults the hardest. It may be challenging to lose these pounds, and it may also increase the long-term risk of obesity and lifestyle diseases.\nA Step Back Okay. We have now seen some of the effects the corona pandemic has had in the short term. There’s no doubt that it has had negative consequences for both mental and physical health, family relationships, social conditions, economy, experienced stress, substance use, physical activity, diet, and obesity.\nThere are also clear indications that children and young people are more significantly impacted by the negative consequences, and that those who were already in vulnerable groups are even more adversely affected.\nThen we add the indisputable fact that all these negative consequences are factors that affect our mental state and that influence and reinforce each other.\nDo we see the connections here?\nWe humans are one being.\nEverything we do, see, and experience affects us, our brains, and our choices. Both in the short and long term.\nThe relationship between physical activity and mental health is unequivocal.\nExercise balances neurotransmitters — along with the rest of the chemicals in our brain. And as you will see, keeping your brain in balance can change your life.\nDr. John Ratey, \u0026ldquo;Spark\u0026rdquo; In a report from the World Bank, overweight is described as \u0026ldquo;a ticking bomb ready to explode.\u0026rdquo;\nAnother recent report on overweight and obesity in Norway states:\nOverweight and obesity are associated with a number of health challenges. These challenges include both somatic and mental disorders, such as diabetes and depression. Furthermore, people with overweight and obesity face challenges related to discrimination and stigmatization in society. This encompasses everything from stigmatizing references in newspaper articles to difficult encounters with healthcare professionals. The sum of this reduces health-related quality of life for the individual and increases the risk of death. Weight loss has been shown to improve health-related quality of life for the individual by, among other things, reducing the number of obesity-related symptoms and the discomfort associated with them.\nThis is due to these correlations.\nOur need for social relationships is something I won’t delve deeper into. This need is apparent to most.\nThese are mechanisms deeply ingrained in our cerebral cortex.\nWe become mentally ill when these needs and opportunities are taken away from us.\nAnd when we humans become mentally ill, it becomes harder for us to make good choices.\nThen we might do things we wouldn’t do in our healthy state.\nI believe these connections provide us with enough information to propose a hypothesis.\nLet’s call it the Mental Spiral Hypothesis;\nMental Spiral Hypothesis Those in a good mental state become stronger during crisis situations. They handle stress, adversity, and challenges better. They find new ways to create social relationships, bond with family, spend time in nature, do meaningful work, maintain or increase physical activity, and eat healthier. They have used the pandemic as a catalyst for their positive momentum.\nThey are \u0026ldquo;antifragile.\u0026rdquo;\nThey turn adversity into fuel.\nThey become stronger through challenges.\nThey are like a strong flame that grows stronger with a gust of wind.\nThe corresponding hypothesis for those with a poorer mental state would then be:\nThose in a poor mental state cope with a crisis situation worse. They can\u0026rsquo;t handle rising stress as well, they become increasingly isolated, they argue with family, they spend more time on screens and (unproductive) social media, they are more likely to lose their jobs and suffer economic consequences, they have reduced their daily activity level, and they eat less healthily than before.\nThey are crushed by adversity.\nThey can\u0026rsquo;t handle the challenges.\nThey are like a thin candle that gets blown out by the wind.\nLong-Term Effects When we view the Mental Spiral Hypothesis in conjunction with the self-reinforcing effect of small choices and habits and fast forward a bit, the picture becomes alarming.\nSome of the questions that arise:\nAre we pushing those who had negative momentum off a cliff?\nIs the cliff too steep for them to begin climbing again?\nAre we amplifying the transfer effect from parents with negative momentum to children?\nHow will this affect the vulnerable in the long run?\nAre we peeing our pants to stay warm?\nAre we reducing the long-term quality of life for a large segment of the population?\nIsn’t the population\u0026rsquo;s quality of life the most important issue our elected representatives should work toward?\nAre the long-term effects of measures that affect our mental state being thoroughly evaluated and weighted?\nSome quotes from friends on Facebook should further stimulate thoughts:\n\u0026ldquo;Would you rather live safely in captivity or freely in danger? I want to climb trees, fight in cages, thank friends for the fight, find love, be hurt by love, party with friends, be sick, but mostly healthy. I want the painful with the good, and the good with the painful. I want to choose myself!\u0026rdquo;\nCan we just adapt?\nIt’s easy to think that everyone is adaptive enough to make the changes required in daily life to meet the challenges we face.\n\u0026ldquo;We can always go skiing instead of going to the gym.\u0026rdquo;\n\u0026ldquo;We can just spend more time with family.\u0026rdquo;\n\u0026ldquo;We can be socially active digitally.\u0026rdquo;\nBut it’s not that easy. It’s like saying to an overweight person, \u0026ldquo;You can just stop eating sweets.\u0026rdquo;\nOur lizard brain shuns change.\nAnd when we are in a poor mental state, the lizard brain is incredibly strong.\nSo what can we do?\nJust as a soldier sent to war should follow orders, we must contribute to the effort. If we do not, society will break down.\nHowever, we should also be able to ask critical questions like this for\u0026hellip;\n","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/02/11/are-we-peeing-our-pants-to-stay-warm/","summary":"We are facing a global pandemic and its consequences. Are the measures we take to meet this challenge more harmful than the pandemic itself?","title":"Are We Peeing Our Pants to Stay Warm?"},{"content":"The smartphone is a fantastic invention.\nYou can text anyone in an instant. You can snap pictures of a quality that professional photographers only dreamed of a few years ago. You can record video. You can get directions no matter where you’re going. You can search for information about anything you’re curious about. You can listen to audiobooks. You can play your favorite music the moment it’s released. You can log workouts and activities. You can maintain connections with friends and acquaintances despite demands for social distancing. There lies enormous power in your smartphone.\nBut, as Spider-Man\u0026rsquo;s uncle pointed out;\nWith great power comes great responsibility.\nIf you are not aware, this little thing can take over your life. It can hinder your progress on what matters most in life. It can give you FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) syndrome. It can ruin your relationships with those closest to you.\nTake control of the power. Don\u0026rsquo;t be a slave.\nYou Are Fighting Goliath I didn’t watch many movies in 2020, but one film I did see was \u0026ldquo;The Social Dilemma.\u0026rdquo; If you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend you do. It gives a chilling insight into what the world’s sharpest engineers do to capture your attention on social media.\nThey exploit systems in your brain by giving stimuli that evolution hasn’t yet conditioned it to handle.\nThey use colors, notifications, likes, and large amounts of data to keep your attention.\nYour attention is what they make money on.\nBy hacking your brain, they do everything they can to get you to scroll, click, post, and like as much as possible.\nOne of Facebook’s founders, Sean Parker, said at an event in 2017:\nThe thought process behind building these apps was focused on the question \u0026ldquo;How can we get you to spend as much time and attention on the app as possible?\u0026rdquo;\nIt’s a formidable opponent.\nWhat Your Phone Wants to Steal Your attention. But is that really so important?\nHow you spend your time determines how you spend your days.\nHow you spend your days determines how you spend your life.\nYou have a limited amount of attention available each day. By giving a large share of this to the little device in your pocket, you sacrifice other things you could devote your attention to.\nHave you ever sat on the sofa with a friend or partner, both with your noses buried deep in your respective phones? What if your attention had instead been on each other\u0026rsquo;s needs, goals, and dreams?\nHave you ever scrolled and scrolled while your child feverishly tries to get your attention during playtime? What if you had been focused, engaged, and managed to be 100% present in all such interactions?\nIt’s hard. Damn hard.\nEven if you’re not using your phone, it captures a certain amount of your attention just by lying there.\nLike an alluring siren, it tempts you with dopamine, preventing you from being present in the moment.\nWhen you try to work on important projects.\nWhen you have the opportunity to create deep human relationships.\nWhen you could be productive.\nWhen you could contemplate the most important questions that exist.\nAs Ryan Holiday points out in \u0026ldquo;Stillness is the Key\u0026rdquo;:\nStillness is the key to, well, pretty much everything.\nEverything worth pursuing requires attention.\nIt requires us to control what gets our attention.\nTake Back Your Freedom If you weren’t aware of it before, I hope you are now convinced of the importance of taking up the fight. Of reclaiming your freedom.\nSet aside time for what matters most to you.\nWhat’s the most important thing you do? Where is 100% of your attention required?\nThe time for the most important activities should be phone-free time. Otherwise, you give it a few percentage points of your attention.\nSet aside time where the phone is placed in another room.\nFor me, journaling, coding, important work tasks, dinner with family, dates with my wife, reading or playtime with the kids are examples of time blocks where the phone is put away.\nThese activities are important to me. I want to be 100% present. I want to be the best version of myself in these areas. I am not if I am not 100% present.\nBut, I don’t always succeed. But I will never give up. Too much is at stake.\nCreate rules for when you can check your phone.\nI also find the phone useful in many areas. My children’s kindergarten sends important messages via the Schoollink app, the sports club posts information about practice times for ski play, my wife buys used children’s gear on finn.no or through Facebook groups. I’m a member of groups that provide me with much useful and valuable input.\nThe point is not to eliminate all use of the phone, but to be aware of when we want to use it and for what purpose.\nBy taking back control, you can reclaim your freedom.\nOne way to do this is to create algorithms for when you can check your phone, and perhaps also use social media. For me, I have such a block during lunch, or while I\u0026rsquo;m in the bathroom.\nJust like \u0026ldquo;cheat days\u0026rdquo; are useful on a diet, scheduled periods of reward are a way to maintain motivation while keeping control.\nRemove the Excess\nHow many apps do you have installed on your phone? How many of these do you use regularly? How many do you really need to use?\nBy decluttering the apps you have installed, you can reduce the number of apps competing for your attention while simultaneously making a conscious assessment of which apps actually provide you with value.\nTry to create a list of the apps you want to keep first, and uninstall all that didn’t make it on the list. If you do it the other way around and go through everything you’ve installed, chances are you’ll keep apps that may hold some small value in some situation.\nCleaning up apps feels good, just like it feels good to remove clothes you don’t wear from your closet.\nTurn Off Notifications and Sounds\nThe apps that are allowed to give notifications on your phone should pass through a particularly narrow needle’s eye.\nThese are apps you are willing to give a part of your freedom to. Then they should provide you with something important back.\nHow many apps are allowed to steal your attention?\nSocial media apps should fare poorly here. By getting notifications for every like or comment, you give them the opportunity to trigger dopamine production in your brain. This can be extremely addictive.\nLeave Your Phone Behind\nCertain activities lend themselves incredibly well to taking away the phone\u0026rsquo;s power completely by leaving it behind.\nThis might be when you go for a walk in nature. Sure, you miss the opportunity to snap a nice picture, and your steps won’t count on the daily activity tracker your phone logs. But perhaps it’s worth it in exchange for silence? At least once in a while.\nIt can be when you set aside time to cultivate a relationship. Whether it’s with a friend, partner, or a new acquaintance. If you really want to be present, this is a very nice way to show it. I try to do it on dates with my wife. I try to do it if I’ve invited interesting people for coffee to get to know them. I will do it when I have performance reviews with employees.\nDo you have a fixed time where you step back from the whirlwind of everyday life and think about the bigger questions in life? Where you ask yourself questions like \u0026ldquo;Who do I want to be?\u0026rdquo;, \u0026ldquo;What do I want to achieve?\u0026rdquo;, \u0026ldquo;How can I do something good for others?\u0026rdquo; If you don’t do this regularly, it may be something to consider. The problem is that the answers to such questions do not come easily. It’s difficult and painful to think about such large and complex questions. The escape is often the phone that lies just an arm\u0026rsquo;s reach away. It removes the pain by delivering an instant dopamine injection in the form of the latest news from your social media feed or your emails.\nThe problem is that the short-term pain is replaced with a long-lasting one, which is much heavier to bear.\nThe pain of not living up to what you know you are really capable of.\nSources of Inspiration Cal Newport, \u0026ldquo;Digital Minimalism\u0026rdquo; Nir Eyal, \u0026ldquo;Indistractable\u0026rdquo; Ryan Holiday, \u0026ldquo;Stillness is the Key\u0026rdquo; ","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/02/10/are-you-a-slave-to-your-phone/","summary":"The smartphone is a fantastic invention, but with immense power comes huge responsibility. Learn how to take control of the power and not be a slave to your own phone.","title":"Are You a Slave to Your Phone?"},{"content":"Discover the incredible effects of journaling and how it can help you develop into the best version of yourself.\nTable of Contents 5 Reasons You Should Keep a Journal 1. It Gives You Direction 2. It Gives You a Plan 3. You Have a Place to Write Down Goals 4. You Have a Place to Write Down Something You Are Grateful For 5. You Can Measure Your Progress How to Get Started Conclusion Sources of Inspiration Yep, you read that right.\nIsn\u0026rsquo;t journaling something only teenage girls do?\nNo.\nIt isn\u0026rsquo;t.\nIt actually appears to be a common trait among many extremely successful people.\nTim Ferriss, Ben Greenfield, Ross Edgley, Annie Thorisdottir, Tony Robbins, Brian Johnson, Benjamin Hardy, and Jim Loehr are just a few examples. If you haven’t heard of them, they are worth a Google search.\nI\u0026rsquo;ve been journaling nearly every single day since 2016 and have filled dozens of notebooks.\nIt might be my most important habit for working towards becoming the best version of myself.\nJournaling is a keystone habit that can give you the momentum you need to develop into the best version of yourself.\nIn this article, I will highlight the incredible effects you can gain by dedicating a little time daily to writing down your thoughts, and I will give you some practical steps to get started.\n1. It Gives You Direction The most important thing I write in my journal are thoughts about who I want to be.\nThis provides direction, goals, and meaning to each day.\nBy having a clear picture of the best version of yourself, it becomes straightforward to break this down into habits, tasks, and priorities you should focus on every day.\nTo gain clarity about who you want to be, it can be helpful to divide it into roles. Energy, work, and love is a categorization I have used.\nUnder energy, I might write: \u0026ldquo;Versatile super athlete - Live until I’m 120 and play soccer with my great-great-grandchildren.\u0026rdquo;\nUnder work, an identity I have worked towards has been to become \u0026ldquo;Norway\u0026rsquo;s best Data Scientist.\u0026rdquo;\nWhat identities and roles do you want to have?\n2. It Gives You a Plan Once I have my desired identity clear, the next question becomes obvious:\nWhat do I need to do today to take a step towards that desired identity?\nIf I want to be a versatile super athlete, I can\u0026rsquo;t go a day without training. I should also incorporate both strength training and endurance work.\nBy being clear about what I need to do to work towards my desired identity, the next step is to incorporate the specific actions into my plans for the day. By utilizing so-called implementation intentions, I can create an algorithm that dictates when I will perform an action.\nHere is an example of an implementation intention for a run:\n\u0026ldquo;After the meeting at 10 AM, but before lunch, I will take a 4 km run on my usual route.\u0026rdquo;\nImplementation intentions have been shown through research to have a significant impact on whether something actually gets done.\n3. You Have a Place to Write Down Goals Did you know that goals that are written down have a 42% higher chance of succeeding?\nIt is said that this is because more areas of the brain are activated by writing the goal down than by just thinking about it.\nBy writing down your most important goals daily, you also maintain your motivation to work towards these goals each day, especially when you know that this goal is closely tied to your desired identity.\nWriting down a long-term goal also gives you hope for the future, which can be extremely valuable for feeling better every day.\n4. You Have a Place to Write Down Something You Are Grateful For Research in positive psychology has clearly shown through many studies that people who regularly write down something they are grateful for lead better lives.\nThey are happier, feel more meaning in life, and are more productive.\nAre you kidding me? All this just by finding something to be grateful for? That sounds like an irresistible deal. I\u0026rsquo;m sold at least.\nHere are some suggestions for what it can be helpful to be grateful for:\nSomething you have done Something you have learned Something you have received Something others have done Something others have said A feeling you have had A sensory experience Something that is easy to take for granted (water, internet, electricity, etc.) 5. You Can Measure Your Progress I guess you are already measuring several things in your life. Maybe you measure how much money you have in your account, how much electricity you use, or how you are doing in relation to your budget at work.\nShouldn\u0026rsquo;t you also measure the most important thing of all, your progress in life?\nWhat gets measured, improves.\nLord Kelvin It is simple: what is measured regularly gets improved. By having a place where you measure your progress in your most important areas of life, you establish a foundation for improvement.\nIf you scolded your 5-year-old because he was slow to get dressed, and you want to be a patient and understanding father (yep, been there), do you think your chances of improving in this area increase without reflecting on it and creating a strategy to do better the next time a similar situation arises?\nI can promise that the likelihood of improvement is much greater if you reflect on the areas you want to improve.\nMany of the plans we make for the day also turn out to be difficult to carry out amid the whirlwind of everyday life. By reflecting on what works and what doesn’t, we gain a better basis for making better plans next time.\nOver time, you will also have the opportunity to flip back through old notebooks. Then you can see which goals you have achieved and use this as fuel for the road ahead.\nI took a look back at a journal from 2016, and it was astonishing to see which goals and dreams I had back then that have come to fruition.\nI can’t wait to look back at my journals from 2021 in a few years!\nHow to Get Started Find a Notebook There are many \u0026ldquo;pre-made\u0026rdquo; journals out there, and a plethora of options for journaling digitally. I actually created an app with much of this functionality. ReMarkable can be a good option that allows you to write by hand but converts it to a digital format and stores the material for you.\nStill, I always return to a completely ordinary, standard notebook. It is important that it has a solid cover so it can withstand being carried around in bags and pockets.\nHere is my favorite, for 49.90 from Europris.\nCreate a Habit for When You Will Write in It This is critical. And difficult. To achieve the benefits I have described in this article, it is absolutely necessary to incorporate journaling as a habit.\nAnd changing habits is challenging.\nMy best tip is to do this first thing in the morning after you have brushed your teeth. Set your alarm for fifteen minutes earlier, and you have created the space you need to establish the habit. Preferably go to bed a quarter earlier, as well. This way, you are likely swapping screen time for journaling time.\nThat’s a good trade-off.\nAnother trick is to create a form of \u0026ldquo;treat\u0026rdquo; or reward that you associate with journaling. For me, it’s my first cup of coffee of the day. This also reinforces the short-term reward that makes it easier for the brain to engage in an activity that might not initially seem super attractive.\nCreate a Structure for What You Want to Write Here is an example of a page from when I experimented with writing in Google Docs. (Yes, I write in English.)\nIf you want to use this template, you are very welcome to copy it and make it your own. Here is the link: Journal Template\nHere we see that gratitude, goals, identity, roles, and implementation intentions are included.\nAdditionally, I had a small checkbox for creating small comfort zone challenges for myself. This can be replaced with a small fitness habit or similar, depending on your focus.\nThere is also a section for reflection at the end of the day. (This can also be done as the first thing you do the next day.)\nConclusion I hope you will take the tips in this article to heart, and I truly wish for you to experience the effect that such a small habit can have on your life.\nTry it and experience the benefits for yourself!\nSources of Inspiration Brian Johnson, optimize.me Tim Ferriss, Tools of Titans Hal Elrod, Miracle Morning https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-journal-pdf/ ","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/02/09/5-reasons-you-should-keep-a-journal/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eDiscover the incredible effects of journaling and how it can help you develop into the best version of yourself.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 id=\"table-of-contents\"\u003eTable of Contents\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#5-reasons-you-should-keep-a-journal\"\u003e5 Reasons You Should Keep a Journal\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#1-it-gives-you-direction\"\u003e1. It Gives You Direction\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#2-it-gives-you-a-plan\"\u003e2. It Gives You a Plan\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#3-you-have-a-place-to-write-down-goals\"\u003e3. You Have a Place to Write Down Goals\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#4-you-have-a-place-to-write-down-something-you-are-grateful-for\"\u003e4. You Have a Place to Write Down Something You Are Grateful For\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#5-you-can-measure-your-progress\"\u003e5. You Can Measure Your Progress\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#how-to-get-started\"\u003eHow to Get Started\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#conclusion\"\u003eConclusion\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#sources-of-inspiration\"\u003eSources of Inspiration\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYep, you read that right.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"5 Reasons You Should Keep a Journal"},{"content":"Do you feel like your job is a necessary evil? Learn how to transform your view of your current job and truly thrive in it.\nTable of Contents 5 Steps to Thrive in Your Job Do You Should Change Jobs? What Can You Do to Transform Your View of Your Current Job? 1. Change Your Mindset 2. Become the Best at What You Do 3. Create Your Own Meaning 4. Build Better Relationships at Work 5. Use Your Strengths More Conclusion Sources of Inspiration Do You Should Change Jobs? Let’s first talk about whether it might be worth changing jobs. I believe there are only 2 reasons that should make this an obvious choice.\nThe company you work for has values that clash with yours.\nThis will lead to an inner conflict, and if this is the case, you should change jobs immediately. For example, I could never work for a candy manufacturer, as marketing products I see as harmful to children would conflict with my values.\nThe people you work with have a significant negative impact on you.\nThis is not an excuse to change jobs if you don\u0026rsquo;t like your boss or a colleague. There’s a good chance this could change if you adjust your mindset (which we will return to). However, if the people you work with consistently have a negative attitude, and you are not strong enough (yet) to uplift them, it may be worth finding a new job.\nIf this is not the case for you, we are ready to move on.\nWhat Can You Do to Transform Your View of Your Current Job? 1. Change Your Mindset If you have any hope of changing how you view your job, this point is critical. There’s no point in moving on to the other points if you don’t succeed with this.\nTo change how you view your job, you cannot see it as a dead end; you must dig up the benefits and appreciate them.\nHere are some tips on what you might be grateful for:\nYou are learning new skills (think also about \u0026ldquo;meta-skills\u0026rdquo; such as punctuality, learning how to learn, sales, and social relationships) You work with nice people You are building a valuable network You work indoors when it’s cold outside You work outdoors and have warm clothes You get to meet nice customers You get free coffee/snacks You get to use your body Instead of thinking of the job as a dead end, you must view it as a springboard. It can absolutely become one, but it requires that you change your mindset first.\nDon’t think of this as the job you will have forever; think of it as a starting point and a platform to learn and build skills and networks that you can benefit from later in your career.\nThat’s good enough for now.\nSteve Jobs took a calligraphy course in college that gave him a unique opportunity to design the fonts on Apple’s first computers.\nMaybe the customer you meet every week will become an investor in your startup in 3 years.\nMaybe your job as a waiter will give you a unique foundation to start your own restaurant.\nMaybe your skills as a carpenter will enable you to build a school for children in South America.\nMaybe your job as a newspaper delivery person will give you the capital you need to take an online course that lays the foundation for an amazing career.\nWe are notoriously bad at predicting the future and will only manage to connect the dots when looking back.\n2. Become the Best at What You Do Too many of us think the world owes us a meaningful job, and that we need to find a job where we can use our passion.\nHave you seen how many people have become Personal Trainers in recent years?\nThere’s a good chance they have followed the advice \u0026ldquo;Follow Your Passion\u0026rdquo;. This phrase has 751 million hits on Google.\nThe harsh reality is that very few of us have a passion that is useful in the job market.\nInstead, I would argue that you can develop a passion for your work.\nDoes that sound far-fetched?\nIt starts with a simple choice.\nMost people who thrive at work have made a choice to become excellent at their job and look for opportunities to improve their work.\nThey are making progress toward a goal.\nPassion comes only after you put in the hard work to become skilled at something valuable, not before. In other words, what you work with is much less important than how you do it.\n— Cal Newport, \u0026ldquo;So Good They Can\u0026rsquo;t Ignore You\u0026rdquo;\nNo one owes you a fantastic job. We must earn that through hard work.\nBy building valuable skills over time and becoming the best at what we do, we acquire career capital that allows us to shape our job as we wish.\nThe challenge is that this requires time and effort that few are willing to invest upfront.\nBy choosing to become the best at what you do, you will transform how you view your job.\nBecome the best chef in the world.\nBecome the best plumber in the world.\nBecome the best receptionist in the world.\nBecome the best in your field.\nImmediately, you might ask yourself, \u0026ldquo;What would the best in my field do?\u0026rdquo;, and you have a meaningful goal and a concrete path to work toward.\n3. Create Your Own Meaning It’s important for us to feel that our job is of use to others.\nThis meaning in work is easy to see for paramedics, emergency room nurses, or firefighters.\nIf you look, I’m sure you can also find meaning in your job.\nI’ve seen cleaners who pour their soul into their work every day and shine for those they meet.\nI’m lucky to have a bus driver who greets me with a wide smile at 5:29 AM and spices up the bus ride with \u0026ldquo;tour guide\u0026rdquo; comments.\nI know caretakers who look forward to fixing problems for others every morning.\nI’ve been shaved by a barber who takes pride in delivering a perfect shave and experience.\nI know receptionists who see their job as a golden opportunity to give someone a compliment or a friendly smile.\nA telling parable tells about 3 workers who were laying bricks. A famous architect passed by and asked the three workers, \u0026ldquo;What are you doing?\u0026rdquo;\nThe first replied: \u0026ldquo;I’m laying bricks.\u0026rdquo;\nHe had a job.\nThe second was asked the same question, and replied, \u0026ldquo;I’m building a wall.\u0026rdquo;\nHe had a career.\nThe third worker was asked the same question.\nHe replied, \u0026ldquo;I’m building a church.\u0026rdquo;\nHe had a calling.\nDo you have a job, a career, or a calling?\n4. Build Better Relationships at Work The people we spend time with every day have a major impact on our routines.\nWe can harness this.\nIs there someone at work you would like to spend more time with?\nIs there someone you don’t know very well?\nIs there a customer you meet daily that it could be worth having a pleasant chat with?\nCould you get a good friend to apply for a job at the same company?\nBy building new relationships or changing existing relationships, you can create a work environment where you thrive.\nThis requires you to put yourself out there, which is easier said than done.\nJust like most other things worth doing in life.\n5. Use Your Strengths More It’s perhaps not surprising that we feel better in situations where we can use our natural strengths. Research has also shown that well-being correlates with situations where cadets at the Naval Academy were able to utilize their strengths.\nSome of the world\u0026rsquo;s leading researchers in positive psychology have developed a free test that has been taken by millions, where you can identify your natural character strengths. This test is available here: VIA Character Strengths Survey\nThe test takes about 10 minutes to complete, which can be well-spent time.\nThe test will give you a ranking that shows which of the 24 character strengths come most naturally to you.\nIt’s important to remember that these will change over time, and in a few years my strengths have changed significantly.\nThe results of the test can help you become more self-aware of the areas where you excel.\nThis can be useful for you in two ways:\nYou can use the test results to change your attitude toward your job.\nIf you score high on \u0026ldquo;Love of Learning,\u0026rdquo; you can become more aware that you can use this strength in your job. If \u0026ldquo;Self-Regulation\u0026rdquo; is a natural strength and you work at Burger King, you can appreciate the opportunity the job gives you to exercise willpower by resisting burgers.\nYou can find new tasks in your job that allow you to use your strengths more.\nIf \u0026ldquo;honesty\u0026rdquo; is one of your signature strengths and you work in sales, you might try to change your sales pitch to a more personal and honest pitch. If creativity is a strength, you might ask your boss if you can help create images, videos, or other marketing materials for the company.\nConclusion I hope this article inspired you to refuse to accept going to work every day as a dreary chore and to see that you don\u0026rsquo;t necessarily need to change jobs to reignite your passion for your work.\nYou can have everything you want, as long as you\u0026rsquo;re willing to put in the effort first.\nKeep in mind that fundamentally, it comes back to mindset, and whether you are willing to accept going through life on railway tracks or if you are ready to carve your own path.\nBe extraordinary.\n🙏💪🧡\nSources of Inspiration Cal Newport: \u0026ldquo;So Good They Can\u0026rsquo;t Ignore You\u0026rdquo; Seth Godin: \u0026ldquo;Linchpin\u0026rdquo; Amy Wrzesniewski: Managing Yourself: Turn the Job You Have into the Job You Want Morten Hansen: \u0026ldquo;Great at Work\u0026rdquo; Robin Sharma: \u0026ldquo;The Leader Without a Title\u0026rdquo; Ryan Niemec, Robert McGrath: \u0026ldquo;The Power of Character Strengths: Appreciate and Ignite Your Positive Personality\u0026rdquo; Trello Blog: 4 Reasons to Practice Gratitude in Your Career ","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/02/06/5-steps-to-thrive-in-your-job/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eDo you feel like your job is a necessary evil? Learn how to transform your view of your current job and truly thrive in it.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 id=\"table-of-contents\"\u003eTable of Contents\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#5-steps-to-thrive-in-your-job\"\u003e5 Steps to Thrive in Your Job\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#do-you-should-change-jobs\"\u003eDo You Should Change Jobs?\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#what-can-you-do-to-transform-your-view-of-your-current-job\"\u003eWhat Can You Do to Transform Your View of Your Current Job?\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#1-change-your-mindset\"\u003e1. Change Your Mindset\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#2-become-the-best-at-what-you-do\"\u003e2. Become the Best at What You Do\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#3-create-your-own-meaning\"\u003e3. Create Your Own Meaning\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#4-build-better-relationships-at-work\"\u003e4. Build Better Relationships at Work\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#5-use-your-strengths-more\"\u003e5. Use Your Strengths More\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#conclusion\"\u003eConclusion\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003ca href=\"#sources-of-inspiration\"\u003eSources of Inspiration\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 id=\"do-you-should-change-jobs\"\u003eDo You Should Change Jobs?\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLet’s first talk about whether it might be worth changing jobs. I believe there are only 2 reasons that should make this an obvious choice.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"5 Steps to Thrive in Your Job"},{"content":"Have you ever said any of the following sentences?\nI am not good at school I am not an outdoors person I don’t like exercising I am not handy I am not interested in long-term relationships I just love to relax Then chances are you are telling yourself a story about who you are that holds you back from creating the best version of yourself.\nThe good news is that you can change this story.\nIn fact, you can rewrite the story of who you are exactly how you want it to be.\nIn this article, I will show you how.\nRationalization Rationalization is a psychological defense mechanism that our brain uses to explain unwanted behavior or feelings in a seemingly logical way.\nThis means that we create an excuse for ourselves for why we didn\u0026rsquo;t do or think in the way the best version of ourselves would have done.\nRationalization provides us with a defense mechanism against guilt and shame. In this way, our brain is simply trying to protect us.\nBut wouldn\u0026rsquo;t it be even better if you could notice the instances where your brain attempts to rationalize, and instead make a conscious choice based on who you want to be?\nOur Identity Affects How We See the World The danger of rationalization is that the excuses we create for ourselves become part of our identity.\nThis shapes the way we see the world based on our excuses.\nWe see the world, not as it truly is, but as we are.\nStephen Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People This is bad news if you want to become the best version of yourself.\nThis results in you creating limitations for yourself based on your perception of the world, rather than how the world actually is.\nCarol Dweck has popularized the concepts of \u0026ldquo;fixed vs growth\u0026rdquo; mindset:\nFixed mindset: The belief that basic personal qualities are fixed traits. Growth mindset: The belief that basic personal qualities can be developed. Dweck has shown that students with a \u0026ldquo;growth mindset\u0026rdquo; are much more likely to take on new challenges and achieve better results.\nBy adopting a growth mindset regarding who we are, we can begin to develop the qualities we desire ourselves.\nWe can become the person we want to be.\nThat’s powerful.\nFrom \u0026ldquo;Not Built for Endurance\u0026rdquo; to Ultramarathon Runner When I was in the military, I had several experiences where I did not live up to the person I truly wanted to be. I had an inner desire to perform excellently in all physical areas. I did well in all competitions over a short duration, but when it came to prolonged endurance exercises lasting more than a few hours, I repeatedly experienced unbearable cramps.\nOne time, during a march event, where you run with a pack and rifle for 30km, I got such severe cramps that I nearly had to crawl backwards to the finish line in the last kilometers.\nThis was a negative experience for me, but fortunately, my brain created an excuse I could hide behind: \u0026ldquo;I am not built for endurance. I have fast-twitch muscle fibers, which means I will never excel in prolonged endurance exercises.\u0026rdquo;\nThis story became part of my identity for over ten years.\nThen in 2016, motivated to start running again after reading the amazing book Born to Run, I began to question the story I was telling myself.\nI read up on endurance training and had an aha moment.\nI was introduced to the concepts of MAF-HR and \u0026ldquo;nose breathing,\u0026rdquo; which, in short, showed me how incredibly low intensity I needed to train at to build aerobic endurance.\nIn all those previous years, I had run at too high an intensity to build proper aerobic endurance, which was the actual cause of my prior experiences.\nBy implementing these principles and gradually building up my volume and intensity, I completed the Ultrabirken (60km race) in 2019, with a duration exceeding seven hours for me.\nI have had many incredible experiences through running, which have proven to be a delightful way for me to find \u0026ldquo;flow.\u0026rdquo;\nI changed the story I told myself, and it enriched my life immensely.\nFrom \u0026ldquo;Not Good at School\u0026rdquo; to Bachelor\u0026rsquo;s Degree with Multiple A\u0026rsquo;s My wife defined herself quite similarly…\nConclusion Changing the narrative you hold about yourself can transform your life.\nRecognize the stories that limit you, challenge them, and choose to rewrite your identity.\nHappy Learning!\nExplanation of Features Used Headings (#, ##, ###): Organize content into sections and subsections. Bold and Italics: Emphasize text using **bold** and *italics*. Blockquotes (\u0026gt;): Highlight quotes or important information. Admonitions: Special blocks like notes, tips, and warnings using !!! notation. Inline Code and Code Blocks: Display code snippets using backticks `code` and triple backticks for blocks. Code Highlighting: Use hl_lines to highlight specific lines in code blocks. Tabs (=== \u0026quot;Tab Name\u0026quot;): Organize content into tabbed sections for different languages or perspectives. Lists and Task Lists: Create ordered and unordered lists, including checkboxes. Tables: Display data in a tabular format using pipes |. Footnotes: Add additional information or references at the bottom using [^1]. Images: Embed images with optional attributes like width. Emojis: Add emojis using Unicode characters. Definition Lists: Use terms and definitions for glossary-style lists. Links: Embed hyperlinks using [link text](URL). Strikethrough: Indicate removed or outdated content using ~~text~~. Horizontal Rules (---): Separate content sections visually. Mermaid Diagrams: Create diagrams and flowcharts within code blocks labeled as mermaid. Callouts with Icons: Use custom admonitions with icons for emphasis. Inline HTML: Incorporate HTML elements for additional styling (used sparingly for compatibility). Tips for Using This Template Customization: Replace placeholder content with your own text, quotes, code, and images.\nConsistency: Maintain consistent heading levels and formatting throughout your documents.\nTesting: Preview your Markdown files to ensure that all features render correctly with your MkDocs theme.\nExtensions: Enable necessary Markdown extensions in your mkdocs.yml to support features like footnotes, admonitions, and Mermaid diagrams.\nmarkdown_extensions: - admonition - footnotes - codehilite - pymdownx.highlight - pymdownx.superfences - pymdownx.tabbed - pymdownx.emoji - pymdownx.tasklist - pymdownx.tilde - pymdownx.arithmatex - pymdownx.details - pymdownx.mark - pymdownx.caret ","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/01/27/what-is-the-story-you-tell-yourself/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eHave you ever said any of the following sentences?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI am not good at school\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI am not an outdoors person\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI don’t like exercising\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI am not handy\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI am not interested in long-term relationships\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI just love to relax\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThen chances are you are telling yourself a story about who you are that holds you back from creating the best version of yourself.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe good news is that you can change this story.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"What is the Story You Tell Yourself?"},{"content":"Kukerundtsyndrom 2.0 is about the lack of progress not only in the gym but in life as a whole.\nIntroduction Ten years ago, Swedish fitness and nutrition guru Martin Berkhan wrote an article that went viral among fitness enthusiasts, where he introduced the concept of \u0026ldquo;Fuckarounditis\u0026rdquo; to express his frustration over gym rats lacking progress due to misplaced focus on their workouts. Kjetil Åmdal translated the article into Norwegian, and the term \u0026ldquo;Kukerundtsyndrom\u0026rdquo; was born. The article is still available on fitnessbloggen.no and can be read here.\nIn this article, I will build upon this concept and introduce Kukerundtsyndrom 2.0, which I believe is even more important to make the world aware of so we can prevent the epidemic together.\nKukerundtsyndrom 2.0 is about the lack of progress not only in the gym but in life as a whole.\nKukerundtsyndrom 2.0 Based on Kjetil\u0026rsquo;s translation of the aforementioned article, I define Kukerundtsyndrom 2.0 as follows:\nKukerundtsyndrom 2.0 is a mental disorder characterized by a mediocre life and a complete lack of progress, even with multiple hours wasted each week on life.\nKukerundtsyndrom 2.0 typically manifests itself as an unhealthy obsession with smartphones, social media, alcohol, shopping, junk food, Netflix, YouTube, and other distractions. Fears related to physical activity, spending time in nature, challenging work, and deep relationships are other symptoms. Genuine effort to develop oneself is lacking, or is squandered on unproductive activities.\nAlthough we have seen an alarming increase in Kukerundtsyndrom in recent years, the concentration of cases can vary. It is estimated that 90-100% of the population suffers from this condition to varying degrees.\nEnvironment and social networks play an important role in the course of the disease. It is theorized that the disorder stems from a lack of information and counterproductive marketing from giants that profit from consumer capitalism.\nHuman nature, along with the so-called laziness and complacency genes, helps the disease take root in the body.\nKukerundtsyndrom 2.0 is an airborne contagion, spreading as disease carriers communicate with others in educational institutions, on the internet, or in other interaction arenas.\nThe disease typically manifests in late teenage years but can, however, go undiagnosed for a lifetime. The diagnosis is given by a professional and is based on observation of behavior and bodily progress. Symptoms and preventive measures are reviewed and discussed.\nLack of Progress The root symptom of Kukerundtsyndrom 2.0 can be characterized as a lack of progress in life.\nHas your life improved in recent months?\nHave you achieved significant development in important areas such as finances, social relationships, training, studies, knowledge, and skills?\nIf so, the chances are high that you suffer from Kukerundtsyndrom 2.0.\nExcessive Focus on Ineffective Activities Excessive smartphone use, alcohol consumption, junk food intake, TV watching, gaming, wasting money, and social media usage are time thieves that not only hinder progress but also make life worse.\nIn the fantastic book \u0026ldquo;Optionality\u0026rdquo; by Richard Meadows, this is categorized as \u0026ldquo;Bottomless Pit,\u0026rdquo; or activities that can lead to a negative spiral in life development.\nBottomless Pit: An option with negative asymmetry: The potential upside is small or limited, and the potential downside is unlimited.\nRichard Meadows, \u0026ldquo;Optionality\u0026rdquo; Insufficient Focus on Effective Activities In contrast to activities characterized as \u0026ldquo;Bottomless Pit,\u0026rdquo; we have \u0026ldquo;Treasure Chest\u0026rdquo; activities.\nTreasure Chest: An attractive option with limited downside and unlimited upside. A positively asymmetric option.\nRichard Meadows, \u0026ldquo;Optionality\u0026rdquo; Activities that fall into this category include physical activity, healthy eating, saving, learning, meaningful work, reading, and spending time reinforcing social bonds.\nThe only \u0026ldquo;cost\u0026rdquo; associated with Treasure Chest activities is short-lived, and the training of the ability to make these choices will also pay off in the form of self-discipline, which is transferable to all other choices to be made in the future.\nLack of Progress Measurement How can one be sure that they are developing in a positive direction?\nBy measuring.\nHow is your physical condition, really?\nHow is your health?\nHow much financial capital do you have (assets minus debts)?\nHow deep are your relationships?\nHow do you perform at work/studies?\nIt doesn\u0026rsquo;t necessarily have to be quantified with numbers (although it can be effective in many areas), but conducting a regular \u0026ldquo;check-in\u0026rdquo; with oneself in these areas is essential to become aware of where one should put in a little extra effort.\nI have good experience setting aside a fixed time each week for such self-evaluation. This has been a very important factor in my own development.\nKukerundtsyndrom Test 2.0 Are you unsure if you suffer from Kukerundtsyndrom 2.0?\nHere are 10 questions you can use as a starting point to diagnose yourself:\nYou do not regularly evaluate your life\u0026rsquo;s development. You do not have a structured plan for your days. You are more focused on the next thing you want to buy than on saving. You think more about the possibility of a one-night stand than a steady partner. You spend more than 15 minutes daily mindlessly scrolling through social media. You do not allocate time for physical activity. You eat junk food more than 3 times a week. You have not set long-term goals to work towards. You idolize celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Dan Bilzerian. You watch TV or Netflix more than one hour a day. Conclusion By extending the concept of Kukerundtsyndrom from the fitness sphere to encompass life as a whole, you have been introduced to Kukerundtsyndrom 2.0.\nHopefully, you have gained a sense of whether you suffer from the syndrome.\nIf so, I hope you have an honest talk with yourself about whether this is something you wish to live with or if you are ready to do what it takes to get rid of it.\nHow will you look back on a life if you never rid yourself of Kukerundtsyndrom 2.0?\nInspirational Sources Martin Berkhan: Fuckarounditis Kjetil Åmdal: Kukerundtsyndrom Richard Meadows: Optionality ","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/01/24/kukerundtsyndrom-20/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eKukerundtsyndrom 2.0 is about the lack of progress not only in the gym but in life as a whole.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003ch2 id=\"introduction\"\u003eIntroduction\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTen years ago, Swedish fitness and nutrition guru Martin Berkhan wrote an article that went viral among fitness enthusiasts, where he introduced the concept of \u0026ldquo;Fuckarounditis\u0026rdquo; to express his frustration over gym rats lacking progress due to misplaced focus on their workouts. Kjetil Åmdal translated the article into Norwegian, and the term \u0026ldquo;Kukerundtsyndrom\u0026rdquo; was born. The article is still available on fitnessbloggen.no and can be read \u003ca href=\"https://fitnessbloggen.no\"\u003ehere\u003c/a\u003e.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"Kukerundtsyndrom 2.0"},{"content":"Have you ever thought about how you measure your life?\nWhat determines whether you have lived a good life when your time on Earth is up?\nIf you\u0026rsquo;ve never considered this, maybe it\u0026rsquo;s time? The time to become who you want to be is now. We never know how much time we have.\nBy reflecting on how you want to live, you can start living that way today.\nIn this post, I will gather thoughts from ancient philosophy and modern science to show what you should focus on if you want to measure how well you live.\nThe purpose of measuring your life should be obvious. By measuring how well one lives, one suddenly has something to strive for and improve.\n\u0026ldquo;If you can\u0026rsquo;t measure it, you can\u0026rsquo;t improve it.\u0026rdquo;\n— Lord William Thomson Kelvin\n\u0026ldquo;Happiness\u0026rdquo; Over 2000 years ago, Aristotle wrote about Eudaimonia as the ultimate goal. It\u0026rsquo;s the only thing that a human seeks for its own sake (not as a means to another end).\nEudaimonia is often translated into English as Happiness, which would correspond to \u0026ldquo;lykke\u0026rdquo; in Norwegian. However, this word is not descriptive enough to encompass all that lies within Eudaimonia. When we think of happiness, we often think of a temporary state in a moment, typically something achieved through pleasurable experiences or favorable circumstances.\nEudaimonia can be better described as “The good life” and should be viewed from a broader time perspective, as an inner feeling we can achieve through our actions over time.\n\u0026ldquo;The ultimate goal of all human activity is eudaimonia, happiness in the sense of living well, which is something all humans seek; all actions are nothing more than different ways to achieve it.\u0026rdquo;\n— Hannah Arendt, American Philosopher\nRaw Actions Marcus Aurelius was the world\u0026rsquo;s most powerful man, as emperor of the Roman Empire, in the first century AD. He was also a philosopher and learned and practiced Stoicism. His private notes from his time as emperor are one of the most important texts preserved about Stoic philosophy.\nThe Stoics shared Aristotle\u0026rsquo;s view that Eudaimonia is the ultimate goal one should seek to achieve. At the same time, they further elaborated on how to achieve this in practice.\nTheir conclusion is that to live a good life (achieve Eudaimonia), one must live a \u0026ldquo;virtuous\u0026rdquo; (read: raw) life by practicing the following virtues:\nWisdom: Clear thinking, good judgment, seeing things as they truly are. Courage: Resilience, being oneself, standing up for oneself and others. Justice: Kindness, doing good for others, love for the community. Moderation: Self-control, patience, forgiveness, humility, tidiness. By acting according to these virtues, one makes progress towards Eudaimonia, or The good life.\n\u0026ldquo;If at some point in life you come across something better than wisdom, justice, moderation, and courage; something better than a mind satisfied in the knowledge that it has acted rationally and accepted all outside of its control, if you find something better than this, embrace it unconditionally. It must be something extraordinary. Enjoy it to the fullest.\u0026rdquo;\n— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations\nSelf-Realization You have probably heard of Maslow\u0026rsquo;s hierarchy of needs. Maslow\u0026rsquo;s contribution to psychology was far greater than this. The pyramid was not actually part of Maslow\u0026rsquo;s teaching but was popularized by business consultants based on Maslow\u0026rsquo;s work.\nWhat I perceive as the core of Maslow\u0026rsquo;s teaching is that we humans have a set of innate needs that we naturally seek to satisfy. Which needs we seek to satisfy at any given time depends on our state.\nIf we are hungry, the need to obtain food will become paramount.\nIf we live in a war-torn area, the need for safety will be prominent (given that lower needs, such as hunger, are satisfied).\nAccording to Maslow, the ultimate goal for humans is self-realization. This is the need that people experience when their other lower needs are satisfied.\nAs Scott Barry Kaufman clarifies in the book “Transcend,” there is more to the concept of self-realization than many realize.\nThe obvious meaning is to develop into the rawest version of oneself. The perhaps less obvious part is that self-realization involves contributing to the world outside ourselves, and that these two are closely connected.\nFlourishing Martin Seligman has been the leading figure in the field of positive psychology, which blossomed at the end of the 20th century. Unlike traditional psychology, which focuses on mental disorders and taking people from -10 to 0 on a quality-of-life scale, positive psychology aims to find out what can help people improve an OK life from 0 to +10 on the same scale.\nIn the book “Flourishing,” “flourishing” is presented as the ultimate goal for humanity.\nFlourishing can be defined as:\n\u0026ldquo;Flourishing is the product of pursuing and engaging in an authentic life that brings joy and happiness through achieving goals, pursuing passions, and enjoying life\u0026rsquo;s pleasures through its valleys and peaks.\u0026rdquo;\n— Dr. Lynn Soots, Professor of Positive Psychology\nIn the book “Flourish,” Seligman summarizes the latest findings in positive psychology by presenting the PERMA model for which factors influence human flourishing.\nPositive emotions: Enjoyment of moments, Optimism, Gratitude Engagement: Flow, Use of natural strengths Relationships: Love, Doing good for others, Strong social bonds Meaning: Sense of utility, Seeing meaning in life, Connecting daily actions to a greater purpose Achievement of Ambitions: Setting ambitious goals, Working towards achieving them Seligman\u0026rsquo;s PERMA Model\nFor a closer introduction to the PERMA model, you can watch this YouTube video.\nConclusion Now you have received a brief summary of how some of the most prominent figures believe you should measure your life. It is interesting to draw threads between the various nuances and see that the essence is quite consistent.\nTo achieve the ultimate goal – The Good Life – we must be good people.\nWe must strive to become the best version of ourselves and live every moment in accordance with this to the best of our ability.\nWe must become raw.\nThe next step you can take is to take out a piece of paper and write down your thoughts on who you want to be.\nIt may be useful to divide this into different areas of life, for example, like this:\nEnergy: What does the best version of yourself look like in terms of energy? Work: What does the best version of yourself look like in terms of work/study? Love: What does the best version of yourself look like as a partner/parent/daughter/son/colleague, etc.? This will give you a target to aim for.\nThe most important goal of your life.\nSources of Inspiration Aristotle: Nicomachean Ethics Marcus Aurelius: Meditations Abraham Maslow: Toward a Psychology of Being Scott Barry Kaufman: Transcend Martin Seligman: Flourish ","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/01/21/how-do-you-measure-your-life/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eHave you ever thought about how you measure your life?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cimg alt=\"Image of Lukas from Pexels\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-holding-a-glass-ball-669610/\"\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhat determines whether you have lived a good life when your time on Earth is up?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you\u0026rsquo;ve never considered this, maybe it\u0026rsquo;s time? The time to become who you want to be is now. We never know how much time we have.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBy reflecting on how you want to live, you can start living that way today.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"How Do You Measure Your Life?"},{"content":"An introduction to the circle of control and how you can train to gain control over your own responses.\nHave you ever been irritated by something someone said or did? Have you been upset over something you saw in the news, or perhaps a post on Facebook?\nHave you complained about the weather not being what you wanted?\nHave you worried about something that turned out to never happen?\nHave you ever done everything you could to reach a goal, only to be disappointed when you didn\u0026rsquo;t achieve it?\nWhat if none of this upset you?\nImagine a daily life where nothing can negatively affect you unless you choose it to?\nWouldn\u0026rsquo;t it be nice to have such freedom?\nIn this article, I will show you how you can learn this using tricks from ancient philosophers.\nWhat You Can and Cannot Control Some things are within our power. Others are not.\nIn our power are opinions, motivations, desires, and fears. In one word; everything that comes from ourselves.\nWhat is not in our power is our body, our possessions, reputation, position, and in short, everything that does not originate from us.\nEpictetus, The Art of Living By distinguishing between what you can control and what you cannot, you can learn to focus on what you can control and not waste energy on things outside of our control.\nThis can be illustrated in what I call the circle of control, based on the concept of \u0026ldquo;Dichotomy of Control\u0026rdquo; from Stoicism.\nThis will help you determine what you can and cannot control.\nAs you can see, it is quite simple to understand.\nTo learn to apply it in practice requires training.\nDon\u0026rsquo;t Set Goals You Cannot Control the Outcome Of Setting yourself goals that you have failed to achieve can lead to disappointment and loss of self-esteem, something I have experienced myself.\nYou may have heard how important it is to set SMART goals. SMART is an acronym for:\nSpecific Measurable Ambitious/Attractive Realistic Time-bound I have set many SMART goals for myself. Some I have achieved. Others not.\nThe problem is that I set SMART goals that were not fully within my control.\nWhen it comes to athletic performance, for example, you can never control the circumstances that affect the outcome. There can be judges, weather, competitors, or a range of other factors that will impact the results.\nIsn\u0026rsquo;t it foolish to be so focused on an outcome you don\u0026rsquo;t have full control over?\nWouldn\u0026rsquo;t it be better to measure yourself only by what you have complete control over?\nBen Bergeron has coached the world\u0026rsquo;s fittest man and woman to victory in the CrossFit Games. In his book Chasing Excellence, he makes it clear how he wants his athletes to think through an analogy to racehorses.\nRacehorses are not biologically capable of understanding what their competitors are doing. They are completely focused on themselves. This is what I want my athletes to be. If an athlete\u0026rsquo;s goal is to win, their focus is not on themselves, and they will not seek to realize their own potential, but to do better than someone else.\nBen Bergeron, Chasing Excellence Goals that you have complete control over can be called process goals. These are goals that depend only on what, according to the circle of control, is within our control: Our own thoughts, feelings, and mindset.\nBy focusing on process goals instead of outcome goals, you can focus on doing your best in every situation.\nInstead of setting a goal to lift 100kg in squats, you can set a goal to complete 3 training sessions per week according to your training program.\nInstead of setting a goal to get an A in math, you can set a goal to study math for 1 hour every day.\nInstead of setting a goal to lose 5kg by summer, you can focus on staying within a certain calorie intake each day.\nBy measuring yourself on things you can control, you will build self-esteem and take back control over your own goal attainment.\nYou can decide for yourself if you are awesome.\nThe \u0026ldquo;magic\u0026rdquo; of this is that often you can exceed your outcome goals by simply focusing on the process.\nThe Freedom to Choose Your Own Response Psychologist Viktor Frankl wrote the incredibly insightful book Man\u0026rsquo;s Search for Meaning after spending several years in Auschwitz during World War II. He remarkably managed to maintain control over his own thoughts under extreme conditions.\nEverything can be taken from a man, except one thing; the last of the human freedoms – to choose one\u0026rsquo;s own attitude in any given set of circumstances. To choose one\u0026rsquo;s own way.\nThis freedom is yours too!\nNo matter what arises around you, you have a choice when it comes to your own response to the situation.\nIf someone talks behind your back.\nIf someone cuts in front of you in traffic.\nIf you step in dog poop just before an important meeting.\nYou can choose how you respond.\nTo make a wise choice, you must think carefully and not let yourself be swept away by the automatic response your brain will suggest.\nThis is quite simple, but far from easy.\nHow to Stop Worrying Below I have set up a simple flowchart you can use when you encounter something perceived as a problem:\nTo determine whether you can do something about the problem, you can use the circle of control.\nThe flowchart shows that if you have a \u0026ldquo;problem\u0026rdquo; you cannot do anything about, there is no reason to worry.\nIf there is something you can control (your own thoughts and actions), you must do what you can. Then you have a concrete way forward.\nAfter you have done everything you can, you no longer have anything to worry about.\nProblem solved.\nOne challenge is that our brains learn shortcuts and do many things without us being aware.\nIt is training this ability to become aware of situations that you wish to have greater control over that is key here.\nI call this response training, and it is illustrated by training the ability to choose down the bottom arrow in the figure below.\nTraining Program for Response Training As always, I want to give you something concrete you can do today to utilize the concepts I write about.\nTo train your ability to choose your own response in a given situation, you can do the following exercise:\nImagine a situation you regularly encounter that irritates you. It can be something other people do. Feel the natural irritation that arises in that situation. Use the flowchart and circle of control to determine whether the situation is something you can do something about. Go back to the situation and replace the feeling of irritation with acceptance. Think that this irritation does nothing for you. Feel how good it feels to have full control over your emotional state. This exercise can be done as often as you wish. The next step will be to use this technique on actual situations that arise. It will certainly be difficult at first, but start by training to become aware of the unwanted feeling. It can be anger, disappointment, or fear.\nConclusion You have been introduced to the circle of control, which is a fundamental concept in Stoic philosophy, and seen how it can be used to train control over your own responses.\nBy controlling our own responses, we become invincible in the face of situations that would have previously troubled us.\nThrough response training, you can begin the journey to reclaiming control over your own mental state.\nIf you achieve this, you will become awesome.\nSources of Inspiration Epictetus: The Art of Living Ben Bergeron: Chasing Excellence Jonas Salzgeber: The Little Book of Stoicism ","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/writings/2021/01/21/learn-this-difference-and-simplify-your-life/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eAn introduction to the circle of control and how you can train to gain control over your own responses.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 id=\"have-you-ever-been-irritated-by-something-someone-said-or-did\"\u003eHave you ever been irritated by something someone said or did?\u003c/h2\u003e\n\u003c!-- more --\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHave you been upset over something you saw in the news, or perhaps a post on Facebook?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHave you complained about the weather not being what you wanted?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHave you worried about something that turned out to never happen?\u003c/p\u003e","title":"Learn This Difference and Simplify Your Life"},{"content":"Father and engineer with a knack for lifting weights and reading books.\n","permalink":"https://thomasht86.github.io/attempts/about/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eFather and engineer with a knack for lifting weights and reading books.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"About"}]